Me: “I still haven’t gotten to see Titanic in theaters!”

Mom: “Sorry buddy, spoiler: the b**** does let go.”

(My mom makes dinner consisting of two different kinds of Chinese sausage. One is red colored, and the other one is brown.)

Me: “Can I get some more sausage please?”

Mom: “Sure, which one do you want?”

Me: “Either is fine.”

Mom: “Do you want the red one or the…not…red one.”

(Silence.)

Mom: *blushes* “What?”

Me: “Red or not red. That only takes out a tenth of the color spectrum.”

Mom: “Shut up. I cooked, so I get to describe the color. Red or not?”

(I am with my friend and her family for the weekend. We are getting ready to go out for dinner and my friend is taking a while primping. Her sister gets impatient.)

Sister: “Come on, I’m starving!”

Friend: “I’m almost ready, just gimmie a sec.”

Sister: “I’ve given you enough secs already!”

(She hears what she has just said out loud, and turns very red.)

(While playing a game of ‘Taboo’, (a game where you have to get your partner to guess a word where you can’t say certain words on the card) my brother and I are partners and the word I had to make him say was ‘cheerleader’.”

Me: “Rah-rah-sis-boom-bah! What am I?!”

Brother: “Annoying.”

(I have recently broken up with my boyfriend of almost two years. One of my guy friends has randomly showed up at my door, just to say hello.)

Mom: “Wow, now that you’ve broken up with Jeremy, all the boys are sniffing around. It’s like you’re a dog in heat!”

Me: “…I have no words.”