(We are out of town for a funeral. All of the family are staying in the same hotel. My 80-year-old father and his older brother are sitting next to each other. One of my uncle’s grandchildren is talking about going swimming in the hotel.)

Uncle: “Well, all I have to swim in is my birthday suit.”

Dad: “Well you’d better get an iron then.”

(We’re packing up my house to get it sold while my dad is working in another state. My grandmother comes over when I’m out of work to help me, but I’m at work texting her about what we have to do.)

Me: “Until they paint the house, the only thing we can do is pack up the china.”

Grandmother: “Well, I’m playing cards tonight, so let’s do it tomorrow. It’s going to be like a puzzle.”

Me: “Ooh. Is it really going to be that hard?”

Grandmother: “Probably as hard as a teenage boy on his first try.”

Me: “Wow. Just wow.”

This story is part of our Gorgeous Grandmas roundup!

Read the next Gorgeous Grandma story!

Read the Gorgeous Grandma roundup!

(My mom is forcing us to watch the credits of a TV movie so she can find the name of an actor she liked.)

Mom: *upon reading the cast credit* “Oh, ‘Earl’! I hate men’s names that start with ‘E’!”

Me: “Like your husband, Eugene?”

Dad (Eugene): “Or your first husband, Edgar?”

(My dad and I are sitting at home and talking about college.)

Me: “So, I’m really not sure how well my future roommate and I are going to get along. Wwe seem to have completely different lifestyles.”

Dad: “Well, try not to get into a furious slap fight with her. But if you do, film it. Then send it to your boyfriend so he and his friends can laugh about it.”

(As we finish dinner, I crack open a fortune cookie and read it.)

Me: “Mom? You told me my middle name is William.”

Mom: “Yes?”

Me: “But this fortune cookie says, ‘Wisdom is your middle name’. Now I have to go to DMV and get my license changed.”

Mom: “It’s wrong. It should be ‘wise-a**’.”