Hard To Digest Facts

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Related | January 5, 2012

(My boyfriend is staying over for dinner. Later in the evening, he has to go to the bathroom. He is taking a while.)

Mom: *whispering to me* “Is he okay in there?”

Me: “I’m sure he’s fine.”

Mom: “What’s he doing in there?”

Me: *uncomfortable and confused* “Mom, he’s probably taking a number two.”

Mom: “Why is he doing that?”

(At this point, I have no idea what her problem is. I can’t find a way to answer this politely.)

Me: “Because, he has a functional digestive system?”

Mom: *angry and embarrassed* “Stop talking to me like that! Don’t be smart!”

(I share this conversation with my boyfriend after he is done with his business. He is now scared to take a number two in the same house as my mother.)

Losing Train-Track Of Time

| London, England, UK | Related | January 5, 2012

(I have just missed the last train of the night home. This is because my mum hadn’t got back to the station on time, despite us arranging to meet there over half an hour before the train was due.)

Me: “Mum, we arranged to meet over half an hour ago. Where have you been?”

Mum: “I work to a timetable five days a week. I don’t run to one on weekends, too!”

Me: “No, mum. But the trains still do!”

Bitter Ex-Wife Sticker

| Related | January 4, 2012

Haven’t Made It Past The Rainbow

| San Jose, CA, USA | Related | January 4, 2012

(My mom and I are watching ‘The Wizard of Oz’ on TV.)

Mom: “It’s been colorized.”

Me: “Well, yea. But it was colorized originally. It was always in color. That was their big selling point.”

Mom: “I remember it was black and white whenever I saw it as a kid.”

Me: “Uh, did you watch it on television?”

(Mom’s light-bulb goes on.)

Mom: “Of course, we had a black-and-white TV!”

An Extra Birth Is Worth The Mirth

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Related | January 4, 2012

(I am 13 months younger than my older sister and was, suffice it to say, unplanned.)

Me: “I would never want to have kids so close together. Two years at least, I think.”

Dad: “Well, what can I say. You were kind of an accident.”

Mom: “Honey, don’t tell her that! She’ll think we didn’t want her!”

Dad: “Okay, dear.” *looks at me* “You weren’t an accident.”

Mom: “Thank you!”

Dad: “You were more of an ‘Oh, crap!’”

Mom: “Honey!”

(At this point I am laughing too hard to even protest.)

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