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Funny stories about family

Standing Behind Their Convictions

| Related | January 9, 2012

(I’m a Forensic Science Major. I have just returned from my first semester at university, and have been discussing the US criminal justice system with my family.)

Mom: “But, can ex-cons ever find work once they get released?”

Me: “Actually, yes. There are some companies that specialize in hiring ex-cons.”

Dad: “Yeah…the Mafia.”

A Second On The Hips, A Lifetime On Your Lips

| Related | January 8, 2012

(My mom takes both my friend and I home from school sometimes. Today she is on the phone with my grandma, talking about the staff at the nursing home. My mom’s speakerphone is on.)

Mom: “Oh, you mean [name]?”

Grandma: “Yes, her. She’s the really tall one with the huge hips that look like they don’t belong to her.”

Mom: “Mom, you’re on speakerphone, and there’s two teenage boys in the car listening.”

Grandma: “Yes, she’s very…nice.”

Spilling The Truth

| Related | January 7, 2012

Sister: “We need to give the cat a bath.”

Her husband: “Why?”

Sister: “Because, she’s all sticky! How’d she get so sticky?”

Her husband: “I think one of us spilled soda on the cat.”

Sister: “One of us?”

Her husband: *long pause*I spilled soda on the cat.”

He’s At That (Orphan)Age

| Related | January 6, 2012

(My brother is about four years old. He runs off, so my mother and I are looking for him. I find him at the registers, where one of the cashiers is talking to him.)

Cashier: “Where is your mommy and daddy, sweetie?”

Little Brother: *looking very sad* “I don’t have a mommy or daddy. I am all alone in this world.”

Left Hand Doesn’t Know What The Right Hand Is Doing

| Related | January 6, 2012

(I’m feeling a bit left out. I don’t think my 2-year old toddler takes after me at all, but he does take after his father. My son is playing with a dinosaur toy, and deliberately makes the dinosaur bite his own hand. He then says ‘Ow!’, reacting very surprised that it hurt.)

Me: “Right. That’s how he takes after me.”