(I’m at my in-law’s house. Her 18-year-old son and his 8-year-old nephew are shooting darts at a painting of an elk on the wall. The 18-year-old can’t seem to hit the elk, but the 8-year-old is doing great.)
Father-in-law: ”[18-year-old] can’t shoot fake elk, let alone real ones! I should take [nephew] hunting next year instead!”
(I am nineteen, and volunteering at an elementary school.)
Student: “Do you have kids?”
Me: “No, I don’t have kids.”
Student: “Then do you have a baby?”
Me: *unsure of the distinction* “Nope. No babies and no kids.”
Student: “Do you have a boyfriend?”
(I’m a lesbian, but this kid is very young and slightly impaired, so I decide not to complicate the conversation.)
Me: “No, no boyfriend.”
Student: “So, you don’t have a baby or a boyfriend?!”
Me: “No.”
Student: “Then you’re just a kid!”
(I call home to talk to my father. I am checking up on him since he has a few health problems. We’re finishing up the conversation.)
Me: “Well, I’d better go. I have to work at 6 tomorrow morning.”
Dad: “Oh, I’ll be getting ready for work then. I’ll be thinking about you when I’m in the shower.”
Me: “Umm…thanks dad.”
(My dad and I walk into a fast-food restaurant.)
Me: “Okay, so mommy wanted the nuggets, and sis wanted—”
Dad: *squealing with delight* “Oh my gosh! They have Pokémon toys now!”
(He runs off to order a happy meal.)
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(As a girl, I sometimes complain that I have dark, thick arm hair. My 8-year-old brother decides to cheer me up about it.)
Brother: “Stop complaining, woman! You have a superpower! Not everyone can be Wolverine!”
