As Silent As A Mime

| UT, USA | Related | February 26, 2012

Me: “Mom, why do people hate mimes?”

Mom: *thinking I said ‘mice’* “Because they carry diseases, and poop everywhere.”

One Of Their Elk

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | Related | February 25, 2012

(This story is from when I was born. I am two weeks late, and scheduled for a C-section. The doctors all think I am going to be a normal 7 pound baby, but I surprise them by being 10 pounds, 4 oz.)

Doctor: *seeing me for the first time* “Oh my god, it’s a moose!”

Mom: *whose view is blocked* “Well, is it a boy moose or a girl moose!?”

There’s Leap Years, Then There’s Leaps Of Faith

| AZ, USA | Related | February 25, 2012

Brother: “Oh my god! I am so excited. Do you know what happens on November 31st!?”

Me: “…there is no November 31st.”

Brother: *whimpers* “What?”

Rotten Tomatoes

| MA, USA | Related | February 24, 2012

(I am getting a shirt out of the laundry room and notice a bottle of Bloody-Mary mix next to the wash tub.)

Me: “Why is there bloody Mary mix in the laundry room?”

Dad: “Your mom heard that tomato juice gets skunk smell out.”

Me: “That doesn’t really answer my question.”

Dad: “The dog rolled in skunk smell, and we didn’t have any tomato juice.”

Me: “…so you washed her in Bloody-Mary mix?”

Dad: “Yes.”

(For the rest of the day, both parents kept asking me to smell the dog too, to make sure it ‘worked’.)

Decent Dresses Are In Short Supply

| QLD, Australia | Related | February 24, 2012

(My father and younger sister have just gotten home from the hardware store. My sister is 16, and very scantily clad. My sister walks into the kitchen.)

Dad: “Heck, could your shorts get any shorter? You’ll catch a cold. No wonder we were served so quickly today.”