(I’m eating cookies and I want my brother to turn off the radio.)

Me: “afslkjnsfhio?”

Brother: “What? Oh, turn off the radio, yeah.”

Mom: “…How did that happen?”

(We are sitting down for a meal at my Aunt and Uncle’s wedding reception. My sister is about 12.)

Mum: “I wonder what we’re having for lunch.”

Me: “Let’s see…” *picks up menu*

Sister: “No, I want to read it! We’re having pain fried beast of duck, with asbestos and coffin!”

(It said pan fried breast of duck with asparagus. I don’t even know where she got coffin from.)

(We encourage our two-year-old daughter to be inquisitive.)

Dad: “Where does mommy work?”

Daughter: “Pharmacy!”

Dad: “And what’s dad doing for work?”

Daughter: “Computers!”

Mom: “What do you like to become when you grow up?”

Daughter: “Three!”

(Grandma is talking to my aunt on the phone and is having trouble hearing on her portable home phone.)

Grandma: “Oh, I can’t hear you very well. Let me switch to another phone.”

(A minute passes as she gets a different phone.)

Grandma: “Okay, can I hear you better now?”

Aunt: “I don’t know, can you?”

(It’s my mother’s birthday and she’s opening her gifts. My dad is filming it, as he does on all birthdays.)

Mom: *opens a gift* “Oh! A bracelet!”

Me: “It’s made with onyx.”

Brother: “Well that was ONYX-pected!”

Dad: “…Are you going to make more jokes like that today?”

Brother: “Probably.”

(Dad turns off the camera, and walks away.)

Brother: “That was also onyx-pected.”