Funny stories about family

Way TooOOOOH Much Information

| Related | December 11, 2011

(Someone had left a massager in my department, and a little boy of about four found it and began to experiment with it. He held it up to his dad’s back and pushed the button; when that elicited no reaction, he held it up to his grandmother’s pelvic area and pushed the button.)

Grandma: “OOOOOOOOH! It’s a vibrator! ”

Little boy: *laughing* “Did it tickle?”

Grandma: “Yes, it tickled! But put it down before you break it and your daddy has to buy it.”

Little boy: *skips out toward main mall* “It’s a vibrator, a vibrator! I vibrated Granny!!!”

Also seen on Not Always Right

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Ah, Mothers, Part 2

| Related | December 11, 2011

(I overhear the following conversation as I’m stocking crafts; it’s a forty-something mother and her teenage daughter.)

Mother: “… okay, we need beads.”

Daughter: “Just make it fast.”

Mother: “Don’t take that attitude with me.”

Daughter: “I don’t know why I go anywhere with you!”

Mother: “Oh, look! Gift boxes! With Rudolph on them!”

Daughter: “Mom, be quiet. Just shut up… please.”

Mother: “Look! Rudolph! You see Rudolph?”

Daughter: “Mom, shut up! Can we leave?”

Mother: “It’s just so godd**n a** f**king cute!”

Daughter: *rolls her eyes and stomps off*

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Ah, Mothers, Part 6

| Related | December 11, 2011

(The child I’m working with is crying, so I go outside to talk to the mother.)

Me: “Your child seems to have some separation anxiety, ma’am. It’s against the rules, but I could let you stay and watch her work so she’ll feel better.”

Mother: “Oh, I think she’ll be fine after a while. See, she’s been upset since we moved here from Chicago.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s difficult for a child sometimes.”

Mother: “But don’t tell her we moved, okay? We told her we were only going on a vacation. She has no idea we’re not going back.”

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Ah, Mothers, Part 7

| Related | December 11, 2011

(I’m putting a bridal set on a mannequin. The bottom has a train on it and a little girl is pulling on it.)

Me: “Please don’t pull on that.”

Mother: “Oh, she’s fine.”

Me: “If she rips it, you have to pay for it.”

Mother: *bellowing at daughter* “DON’T TOUCH THAT!”

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Tries To Put His Foot Down But Just Draws Blanks

, , , , , | Related Right | March 22, 2010

Customer: “I need a card.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of card are you looking for?”

Customer: “It’s for my brother-in-law. He just had his foot amputated.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. We have ‘get well soon’ cards right here.”

Customer: “Well, he’s not really going to get better, is he?”

Me: “Well, we do have sympathy cards over there.”

Customer: “I don’t really like him.”

Me: “What about a blank card? You could write your own message?”

Customer: “You mean a card with nothing in it?”

Me: “Yes, that’s what blank cards are.”

Customer: “Well I’m not paying for that!” *leaves*


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