This Argument Is Anchorage Before It Has Set Sail

| Virginia Beach, VA, USA | Related | January 11, 2012

(My fiancé is talking to his mother. She is telling him her friend is moving to Alaska. Her friend and her have an argument about how he is getting there and she tells my fiancé about it later.)

Fiancé: “What was the argument about?”

Mom: “He said he was driving to Alaska, but I don’t get how he’d do that. It’s an island.”

Fiancé: “But, it’s not an island.”

Mom: “Yes it is, I’ve seen the maps. I’m not an idiot. On all the maps it’s in that box down by Hawaii.”

Transparent-ing

| Wantagh, NY, USA | Related | January 11, 2012

(I release a wall-shaking belch at the dinner table.)

Mother: “Just like his father.”

Father: “Yeah, and when I find that S.O.B…”

(Just to note, there has been no infidelity between my parents.)

Bad iDea

| OR, USA | Related | January 11, 2012

(My family and I are at a mall doing some Christmas shopping.)

Dad: “Well, guys, can you think of anything you want for Christmas?”

Mom: “Hey, an Apple Store! I know what I want!”

(She runs in. Knowing that she knows nothing about technology, I run in after her. One of the Apple store attendants is already on her.)

Attendant: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Mom: “Yes, I’d like a Nintendo Wii, please?”

(The attendant gives her a blank stare. I stop dead.)

Attendant: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t sell those here.”

Mom: “No, I understand, it’s the holidays, right?” *she leans in close* “I know you have some in the back. I’ll slip you an extra fifty if you sell me the one you’ve been saving for yourself.”

(She gives him a wink, and he looks to me for help. I proceed to drag her out of the store.)

Mom: “What? I know he has some in the back!”

Me: “Just because it’s white and shiny doesn’t mean it was made by Apple!”

Not So Sweet Sister

| Surrey, UK | Related | January 10, 2012

(I have just been out Christmas shopping, and now have a large pile of presents stacked up in my room. My mum enters, and studies the pile. She picks up the top present, which is a box of expensive sweets.)

Mum: “Who’re these for?”

Me: “Uncle [name].”

(This particular uncle is her biological brother.)

Mum: *completely seriously* “He doesn’t deserve them. Can’t you give them to me instead?”

Me: “I guess sibling rivalry is one of those things you just don’t grow out of.”

An Animated Acting Style

| Ashburn, VA, USA | Related | January 10, 2012

(I’m working at a grocery store when a mother and her six-year-old daughter come through my line.)

Daughter: “Mom, I think I want to be an actress.”

Mother: “You have to have a lot of talent for that, sweetie.”

Daughter: “No, I could just be on the Disney channel.”

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