(I am eating lunch with my brother and my mom. We are talking about my brother’s ability to speak languages with a perfect accent after only hearing it once.)
Me: “You can mimic any language, even if you don’t know it.”
Brother: “Yeah, but I can’t really do Chinese. I don’t know that many Chinese words.”
Mom: “Chopstick!”
(My whole family has gathered for my grandparent’s 50th reunion. Because neither of us have kids yet, my sister and I enjoy playing with our cousin’s kids. The two year old is walking by with a toy.)
Me: “Can I play with that?”
Two-year-old Cousin: “Sure.”
(I start to reach for it and she pulls it away.)
Two-year-old Cousin: “No.”
(She goes running off to catch up with the other kids.)
Sister: “Did you just get faked out by a two year old?!”
(We are at a family reunion for my mom’s side of the family. I’m about eight and I’m talking with my great aunt. A relative I’ve never met approaches and starts talking to my great aunt.)
Relative: *finally noticing me* “Well, hello! Whose little girl are you?”
(I blush and ignore her because I’m shy.)
Great aunt: “That’s [my mom]’s oldest girl.”
Relative: “Really?” *she leans closer and wrinkles her nose* “She doesn’t look like [my mom] at all. She doesn’t even look like family. You sure she’s not just one of the kids’ friends? None of ours are redheads.”
(My dad walks up.)
Dad: *to me* “Come on honey, we’re leaving. Tell your aunt good-bye.”
Me: “Bye, aunty!”
(I hug her and run to grab my dad’s hand.)
Relative: “Wow! She looks just like you! Are you her daddy?”
Dad: “Yes, she’s mine. I’m [mom]’s husband.”
Relative: “Oh! I thought she was some other person’s kid because she doesn’t look like her mom!”
Dad: “You do realize that just because she’s related to you doesn’t mean she’s going to look like your side of the family, right?”
Relative: “Well, the other kids look like our side of the family, so I thought that meant all of them had to!”
This story is part of the Family Reunion roundup!
Read the next Family Reunion roundup story!
Read the Family Reunion roundup!
(My 11-year-old son and I are driving home from getting groceries. We had been talking about his new cousin, who was born the month before.)
Son: “I’m never getting married, and I’m never having babies. They’re just too much work.”
Me: “Maybe when you’re grown up you could adopt an older kid.”
Son: *excited* “Yeah, that’s it! I’ll adopt a 21-year old when I’m grown up.”
Me: “I think that’s actually called marriage.”
(My brother and I are sitting in the living room eating dinner. I’ve started doing some laundry and the washing machine is making some really strange noises.)
Me: “I don’t like the sound that washing machine is making.”
(My brother gets up and closes the kitchen door.)
Brother: “Problem solved!”
(To this day, he says ‘most of life’s problems can be solved by closing a door’. People think he’s being really profound, but we know better!)
