(My mom has just acquired a new Blackberry, and is using it to send me an email. At the bottom of the message is a strange sentence.)
Mom’s email: “Sore for any tips.”
Me: “What does that mean?”
Mom’s email: “I meant to write ‘sorry for any typos’!”
(I’m with my Aunt, who is 69 and the mother of four children, at my parents’ house. I’m 43, childfree, and recently underwent a hysterectomy. We are working in the kitchen, and we’ve spent the day prepping food for another Aunt’s birthday party. I’ve just made a cheese tray and sealed it inside a big zip-top plastic bag, using a straw to suck all the air out of it first. My Aunt finishes a tray of ham and uses the straw to seal that bag, too.)
Aunt: *laughing* “Ha ha, mine’s tighter than yours!”
Me: “Don’t count on it. You’ve had four kids, and I’ve had mine worked on recently.”
(I help my mom with the website she uses to sell her artwork. My mom isn’t very computer savvy, so when her domain name expires, she calls me in a panic at 2 am. I blearily set up a 3-way call with the domain company, and about 45 minutes into our extended hold time we have a conversation.)
Mom: “I just don’t understand. They always just charge my card, and they didn’t do it this time.”
Me: “Did your card expire?”
Mom: “No, I don’t even have that card any more. The bank gave me a new one when mine got stolen!”
(We’re all talking in the living room when my cousin’s girlfriend stands up.)
Cousin’s Girlfriend: “I have an announcement to make!”
Uncle: “You’re pregnant?!”
Cousin’s Girlfriend: “No! John and I are engaged!”
(After the cheers and congratulations have died down, my aunt stands up.)
Aunt: “I have an announcement too!”
Uncle: “You’re pregnant?”
Aunt: “No, dinner is ready.”
Uncle: “Isn’t anyone around here pregnant?!”
(My boyfriend and I have recently purchased a house. My dad is over, installing a light in the basement for us, but needs to remove the old one first. He disassembles the old fixture before he remembers to shut the electricity off. Since he’s not sure which breaker will kill the power to the wire, he decides he will just cut the wire in half while it’s still live. I am having a phone conversation with my mom.)
Me: “He couldn’t find the breaker, so he’s doing it live and getting zapped.”
Mom: “Nice. Insurance is paid up.”
