(We’re on a road trip when Dad starts hiccupping. I’m the oldest of five kids.)
Mom: “Hold your breath!”
Dad: “I tried that!”
Mom: “I’m pregnant.”
Dad: “WHAT?!”
Mom: “Did I scare you enough?”
Dad: “You’re crazy, you know that? Yes, you scared me enough!”
(The next day, it’s Mom that’s hiccupping.)
Dad: “Mary, I’m pregnant.”
(My mom stares at him, cracks up, and is no longer hiccupping. Since then, our family has cure hiccups by declaring pregnancy.)
(My sister and I are in the grocery store, walking down one of the aisles looking for our parents. An employee gets on the intercom.)
Employee: “Would [sister’s name] and [my name] please come to the customer service desk?”
Sister: “Hey, those two girls have the same names as we do!”
Me: “They mean us…”
Related:
Named And Shamed
(My younger sister and I both took sign language in college. We are all attending a family reunion. While I’m talking with our older sister, my younger sister has been cornered by my cousin’s wife, who is very chatty.)
Me: *after looking over at my younger sister* “Oh, crap. We have to go rescue our younger sister. She just signed ‘help me’.”
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(There is only one boy cousin in a family of all girls. The boy is the youngest and always tries to fit himself into the conversation, or answer questions even if he doesn’t know what we’re talking about. We hear an advertisement for viagra on the radio.)
Me: “Uncle, does viagra work?”
Uncle: “I don’t know. I don’t use it.”
Me: *to another aunt* “Auntie, does viagra really work?”
Boy cousin: “Yeah, it does.”
(I look at him confused as he’s only ten years old, and from his tone of voice I know he’s got no idea what I’m talking about.)
Me: “How do you know?”
Boy cousin: “Because I use it all the time.”
(We still make jokes about it and make sure to tell all his girlfriends he’s been taking viagra since he was ten.)
(My wife’s cousin, having grown up in Israel, is almost wholly unfamiliar with Christianity. We are playing a card game that in part involves artefacts taken from throughout history. She receives a card with the text ‘Crown of Thorns, originally worn by You Know Who’.)
Cousin: “Is this talking about Voldemort?”
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