A Boy To Do A Man’s Job

| Antwerp, Belgium | Related | March 16, 2012

(My four-year-old nephew is sleeping over. I’ve bought him a new toy, batteries not included. I take out the screwdriver set in order to place the batteries into the toy.)

Nephew: “You cannot do that. That is for daddies.”

Me: “I’m sorry, there isn’t a daddy here. I could call grandpa or your daddy, but then you can’t play with your toy until then. And maybe they don’t have time.”

Nephew: *after thinking it over for a while* “Okay, but I hold this.”

(He clutches the holder for the screwdrivers. I start opening the compartment to place the batteries.)

Nephew: “You don’t have a daddy here.”

Me: “No. My daddy is granddad and he is at his own home with grandma.”

Nephew: “I have a daddy.”

Me: “Yes, you do.”

(I am kindly allowed to do the necessary work and place the batteries while he is watching closely. I even am allowed to place the screwdriver back in the holder he was still clutching. But after closing the holder, he reserves the right to carefully put it back into its place!)

No Contracepticons, Part 2

| New Zealand | Related | March 16, 2012

(I have three brothers. They were all teenagers at the same time. One day, we are having a breakfast-table conversation.)

Brother #1: “So, how do they get NEW Transformers?”

Brother #2: “From the cube thingy.”

Brother #1: “But what about Primes?”

Brother #3: “From Prime numbers, duh.”

Me: “No, no, silly. You want to know how they get new Transformers? Well, when a mommy transformer and a daddy transformer really love each other…”

No Contracepticons

If You Don’t Understand, Then Sleep On It

| Walterboro, SC, USA | Related | March 15, 2012

(It is 2 am. My brother and I are watching a movie. He has passed out in the middle of it.)

Me: “[Brother] wake up. Go get in your bed.”

Brother: *abruptly standing straight up* “It’s okay. I already have all my information.”

Me: “Huh?”

Brother: “I have a pet taxi named Jorge and he’s blue like a banana.”

Me: “Um, that’s nice. Come with me.”

(I attempt to lead him to his room.)

Brother: “Are you taking me to meet my pet monkey named Luke Skywalker?”

I told you I didn’t want to take a picture!

| Related | March 15, 2012


Home Is Where The Heart Is, But Not The Brain

| BC, Canada | Related | March 15, 2012

(My parents have just come home from work, and I needed to talk to my mom. I’ve also just gotten back from a 5 day trip with school. My dad walks into the room.)

Me: “Are you home yet?

Dad: *sarcastically* “No, I’m not.”

Me: *realizing what I had just said* “I meant to ask if mom is here!”

Dad: “Haha.”

(Mom walks in.)

Me: *to my mom* “Are you back from work?”

Dad: “Did you seriously just ask that again?”

Me: “I’m tired! Give me a break!”

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