Problem With The Mother Board

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Related | February 4, 2012

(I am living away from home at university. I am in my flat, when I receive a phone call from my mum.)

Me: “Hey mum, are you alright?”

Mum: “I need your help sorting the computer out. The internet has stopped working.”

(I instantly know what’s wrong. My mum often accidentally pulls out the internet cable without realising.)

Me: “That’s fine. I think I know what the problem is, as it’s happened before. Just look behind the CPU, and-”

Mum: “I’m busy putting dinner out. You can’t just expect me to come away from what I’m doing to sort the computer out for you!”

Me: “Mum, you rung me to ask for my help. We’ve been on the phone less than a minute.”

Mum: “And?”

Me: “You rung me to ask for help sorting the computer out, whilst you we’re putting dinner out, and are having a go at me for trying to help?!”

Mum: “I can’t be bothered arguing with you.” *hangs up*

They Don’t Ignore The Elephant In The Room

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Related | February 3, 2012

(My father is holding me as a new-born baby me for the first time. My mom is still loopy on anaesthesia.)

Dad: “Oh, honey! Look! She has my ears!”

Mom: “Oh, good. Now she can fly through the air like an elephant!”

Pronunciation Is Fowl

| Granite, OK, USA | Related | February 3, 2012

(My brother is 7 years old. We are arguing about how to spell ‘chicken’, which he insists is pronounced ‘ticken’.)

Brother: *runs up to dad* “Daddy, what does ‘ticken’ start with?”

Dad: *serious face* “An egg.”

Brother: “But it’s ‘ticken’!”

(Sending a golden opportunity, my boyfriend chimes in.)

Boyfriend: “It’s not ‘ticken’! It’s not a bomb!”

Forget Bread-cake, This One Is A Fruit Cake

| Between Spain and England | Related | February 3, 2012

(We are on a flight back from a holiday in Spain. After a fantastic holiday, we’re all in a very good mood, having a good laugh and generally being a bit silly. The meals are served to us. Each meal is a fairly standard airline meal, with bread-cake (or bread roll) and butter, and a small dessert. My mum’s meal doesn’t have a portion of butter with it, but does have a bread-cake.)

Mum: *turning to me and my little brother* “I would like to introduce you, to the lonely bread-cake. This bread-cake is all alone in this world. The bread-cake, does not have any friends. You see, your bread-cakes have butter for friends, and each main meal has a dessert for a friend. The coffee has milk to talk to, but not my bread-cake. This bread-cake was abandoned, back when it was merely a ball of dough. No one to love it, care for it, or play with it. No one to tuck it in on a night, tell it bed time stories, or to comfort it when sad. I, however, will love the break-cake as though it were my own. I shall ensure that this bread-cake is no longer lonely, I will be its friend. I will be there to comfort it, and I for one, will not eat this bread-cake. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, the no longer lonely bread-cake.”

(She gives the bread-cake a hug before putting it back on the tray. She eats the rest of her food, but refuses to eat her new found friend.)

Where Being Grounded Is An Extended Sentence

| Sainte-Agathe, QC, Canada | Related | February 3, 2012

Me: “Dad, do you love me?”

Dad: “Of course I do.”

Me: “Why do you love me, then?”

Dad: “Because the law requires me to.”

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