Only Eats Fast Food
(We’re having dinner.)
Brother: “Dad, have you ever tasted snails?”
Dad: “Oh, no. I don’t eat anything that moves at less than 10 km/h.”
Funny stories about family
Well, If Gwyneth Paltrow Did It…
(My cousin is throwing a baby-shower for me. One of the guests is her aunt-in-law. I am not directly related to this woman, but have known her most of my life. She is known for being a little kooky and scatter-brained.)
Me: “Oh, this is so cute and it has his name on it!”
(I hold up a one-sie that says “Ben’s Banana Shop,” and has a monkey on it.)
Aunt-in-law: “You’re going to name the baby Banana?!?”
(It took us the rest of the baby-shower to get her to understand that I was not going to name my child ‘Banana’. But my cousin’s family still calls him Banana, and we joke that he got his first nick name before he was born.)
Their Jokes Jar Jar Stinks
(My dad and I are watching the end of the ‘Star Wars: Clone Wars’ cartoon. I’ve only just walked in and don’t really know what’s going on, but Anakin and Padme are being obviously romantic. My dad has a habit of saying ‘She’s your girlfriend. You like her’, when TV shows are over the top romantic.)
Dad: “Your girlfriend, she is.”
Me: *without missing a beat* “Like her, you do.”
Dad: “I taught you well, young padawan.”
Puns Will Be Assimilated
(My mom has brought her sewing machine out to repair some clothes. My brother is getting into learning how things work.)
Brother: “How does the sewing machine pedal work?”
Me: “It has a potentiometer in it. It adjusts resistance to change the flow of electricity.”
Brother: “Resistance?”
Me: “Yeah. It’s futile.”
Mom: “No, it’s foot-ile!”
The Lost Hour Of Your Discontent
(My mother and I are having a casual discussion in the living room. My best friend is also there, watching TV. Suddenly, Mum changes the subject.)
Mum: “It’s daylight saving this weekend.”
Me: “Oh, right.”
Mum: “What do they do with the extra hour?”
(My friend and I exchange a glance.)
Me: “What do you mean?”
Mum: “When we turn the clocks back, we lose an hour. What do they do with it?”
Me: “Um, what? And who is ‘they‘?”
Mum: “The government, I suppose.”
(My friend is barely containing his laughter.)
Me: “Mum, there is no extra hour. We’re changing the time we say it is; we’re not changing time itself.”
Mum: “Don’t get smart with me! I know what I’m talking about. I want to know what they do with the hour they take from us!”
This story is part of our Daylight Saving Time roundup!
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Read the Daylight Saving Time roundup!