He’s On The Hogwarts Debate Team

| Spokane, WA, USA | Related | January 20, 2012

(The kids are running around the house pretending to be wizards.)

5-year-old son: *pointing a wand at me* “Expelliarmus!”

Me: *not holding a wand* “You can’t disarm someone if they’re not armed.”

5-year-old son: “You have arms!”

The Generation Shame

, | FL, USA | Related | January 20, 2012

(I am a worker shelving new books. While I shelve, a grandmother is browsing, followed by her teenage grandson. A teenage girl around the same age is nearby, watching.)

Grandson: “How about we get her this?” *holds up bookmark*

Grandmother: “No, no, you can’t get a girl that! She’ll think you’re cheap!”

Grandson: “Grandma, it costs $9.95.”

Grandmother: “Pick out something else!”

Grandson: *sighs and holds up a sketchbook* “How about this?”

Grandmother: “No, no! Never in her life has your mother liked to draw! Pick out something else!”

Me: “Um, excuse me. There are some new bestsellers right over–”

Grandmother: “No, this kid needs to get his own presents! He is fifteen! I’m only here because he can’t drive!”

Me: “Well, okay. But, if you need any assistance, I’m here.”

Grandson: “Does Mom like poetry? There’s a whole shelf over–”

Grandmother: “Honestly! You’ve had the same mom for fifteen years and you don’t know if she likes poetry?!”

Grandson: “Grandma, you’re embarrassing me!”

Grandmother: “Come on, let’s look at the humor section!”

(She stomps off, grumbling. He slinks after her, head hung low. They pass the teenage girl who has been watching, who is trying not to laugh.)

Teenage Girl: “Cool grandma.”

Grandmother: *to her grandson* “See! She thinks I’m cool!”

The Gift Of The Gab

| AB, Canada | Related | January 19, 2012

(I am returning home from Christmas shopping with my four-year-old daughter. I caution her not to tell mommy what we bought for her.)

Girl: “Mommy, we got a present for you, but I can’t tell you what it is. Do you want a hint?”

Mother: “No, don’t tell me what it is.”

Girl: “Well, I’ll tell you one thing. It isn’t black like your other umbrella.”

Kids Who Play Too Much Call Of Duty

| CA, USA | Related | January 19, 2012

(I overhear a mother looking for her son at the child’s playground at a fast food restaurant.)

Mother: “Hey, where’s my son?”

Employee: “It isn’t our job to supervise your children.”

Mother: “Help me look. He’s 7 and is wearing a black shirt.”

Employee: “Have you tried calling out to him?”

Mother: “No! That will make him hide. We need to locate him, sneak up, and drag him out!”

(Eventually she does find her son–and in that exact order.)

It’s Just Water Under The Fridge

| Columbia City, IN, USA | Related | January 19, 2012

(It is Thanksgiving. We are all socializing around the table, playing cards and talking. My grandmother refuses to wear a hearing aid, because she thinks it would ‘make her old’. My sister is pregnant and due any day.)

Sister: *gasping* “Uh oh! My water just broke!”

Grandma: “Well, there’s more in the fridge. Go get yourself another one.”

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