Making A Sharp Point

, | Baltimore, MD, USA | Related | December 16, 2011

(I overhear a mother and young daughter in a store.)

Daughter: “I want to go to [Grocery Store] and get some mechanical pencils!”

Mother: “No. We’re not going there for pencils.”

Daughter: “What? Why not?!”

Mother: “They’re too expensive! I’d have to give them my arm!”

Daughter: “But, you’d still have one left over!”

Bumbling For A Name

| Olathe, KS, USA | Related | December 15, 2011

(I am ringing up a mother with her young daughter. I politely ask her what she plans to do with yellow and black ribbon, and bumblebee stickers.)

Mother: “Well, I’m going to try and make somthing for my daughter’s soccer team. They’re ‘The Bumblebees’.”

Me: “Oh, that’s so cute!”

Mother: “Yes, we were all thrilled when the girls changed their team colors from blue to yellow and black this year. They used to be ‘The Blue Balls’!”

(I pause for a moment while this information sinks in, then burst out laughing.)

Mother: “It was bad. They got their blue outfits, and when the coach asked what team name they should have, my daughter looked down at the soccer ball by her feet and said, ‘The Blue Balls’!”

This Kid Wasn’t Born Yesterday

| South Bend, IN, USA | Related | December 15, 2011

(I am checking in my young son).

Front desk: “And what is your son’s date of birth?”

(I want my son to say it so he can learn.)

Son: “The second…”

Front desk: “Of what month?”

Son: *proudly* “October!”

Front desk: “Do you know what year, hun?”

Son: *thinks* “Every year!”

The Golden Age Of Crazy

| Australia | Related | December 15, 2011

(My best friend and I are at a small café. My friend drops and bottle lid on the floor, I pick it up. Soon after, a man approaches us.)

Man: *to friend* “Excuse me, do you have a grandmother?”

Friend: “Uh… yes?”

Man: “If your grandmother slipped on a bottle lid and broke her hip, you’d be sad, right?”

Friend: “Yeah, but…”

Man: “If she broke her hip, she’d probably die. How would you feel to know that you killed your grandmother?!”

Me: “Please, stop talking to her that way. She hasn’t killed her grandmother, and there’s no bottle lids on the floor.”

Man: *shouting* “But, there was before! She dropped it! She could have killed a grandmother!”

(The manager comes over to ask the man to calm down.)

Manager: “Sir, what seems to be the problem?”

Man: *literally sobbing* “These girls killed all the grandmothers!”

Manager: “Sir, I assure you that they haven’t killed any grandmoth–”

Man: “There’s a grandmother out there by the road! You see her?”

(He runs out side and does a tackle dive in front of an old lady.)

Man: “I’ll protect you, Gran!”

(He hugs her. The old lady hits the man with her handbag and walks away.)

Fatherhood Can Be A Sizeable Task

| Auburn Hills, MI, USA | Related | December 14, 2011

(A father and grandfather walk in. The father is holding a little boy.)

Father: “Do you have clothes for his size?”

Me: “I’m sure we do. What size is he?”

(The father looks confused for a moment. Suddenly, he holds his child out to me.)

Father: “This size!”

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