Teaching How To Spell

| Related | December 19, 2011

(I work a summer job in a Wiccan store. A father walks in.)

Me: “Welcome to [store], how may I help you?”

Father: “My daughter wants to be a witch.”

Me: “Okay sir, how old is she?”

Father: “15.”

Me: “Sir, do you mean witch, or ‘witch’?”

Father: *giving me a curious look as I was making air quotes around ‘witch’* “Why are you asking?”

Me: “Because, sir, the legal age for joining a coven is 18. She’s too young, I’m afraid.”

(My co-worker chimes in.)

Co-worker: “Is she here?”

Father: “Yes, she’s outside.”

Co-worker: “The one with the big dog?”

Father: “Yes.”

Daughter: *from outside* “Dad! Stop making me be a witch! It’s a school project!”

Me: “She can come in if she wants to. We’re harmless.”

Father: “What would she need to get started being a witch? I found drawings of stars and knives and cauldrons in her room, along with a book. It’s witchcraft I tell you!”

Me: “What book was it?”

Father: “The Crucible.”

Me: “Ah. You may want to check with her school. And read the book.”

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Norse Mythology Vs Rock Anthology

| Related | December 19, 2011

(I am watching a movie with my son. I have stayed until the end credits to watch a bonus scene.)

Son: “Dad, someone kept yelling ‘Thor’. Who’s Thor?”

Me: “Thor, in Norse mythology, was the god of thunder.”

Me: “No, he’s not! Gene Simmons is the god of thunder!”

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The Truth is Never Expendable

| Related | December 18, 2011

(I work at a movie theatre. A father walks in with a relatively small child in tow.)

Father: “Hi, I’d like one for The Expendables.”

Me: “Okay. How old is your child?”

Father: “He’s 3. He gets in free, right?”

Me: “Yes, sir. He does.”

Child: “But daddy, I’m five! I’m five, daddy, I’m five!”

Father: “Dang it, Darrell!” *turns back to me* “Two for The Expendables.”

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Photo-synthesise A Cure

| Related | December 17, 2011

(A mother has her sick three-year-old with her. She needs help finding medicine.)

Me: “What symptoms are you trying to treat?”

Mother: “Well, her nose…and, um, her eyes, uh… Hang on.”

(The customer digs in her purse and pulls out a photo.)

Mother: “Here’s a picture of what my daughter normally looks like, and look at her now. She’s really sick. What do you recommend?”

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Making A Sharp Point

, | Related | December 16, 2011

(I overhear a mother and young daughter in a store.)

Daughter: “I want to go to [Grocery Store] and get some mechanical pencils!”

Mother: “No. We’re not going there for pencils.”

Daughter: “What? Why not?!”

Mother: “They’re too expensive! I’d have to give them my arm!”

Daughter: “But, you’d still have one left over!”

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