Fatherhood Can Be A Sizeable Task

| Auburn Hills, MI, USA | Related | December 14, 2011

(A father and grandfather walk in. The father is holding a little boy.)

Father: “Do you have clothes for his size?”

Me: “I’m sure we do. What size is he?”

(The father looks confused for a moment. Suddenly, he holds his child out to me.)

Father: “This size!”

Moms Always Intercede For Their Super Seed

| Horsham, PA, USA | Related | December 14, 2011

(I’m sitting on the top of a 10 foot slide, helping little kids up so their parents can climb up with them. A dad walks over with a baby who looks a little under a year old.)

Me: “Want me to help get him up for you?”

Father: “Nah, I got him.”

(He holds the baby like a foot ball.)

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure how safe that is.”

Father: “Ready? Fly!”

(He throws the baby head first to the slide, to reveal the baby’s wearing a large cape. The mother comes running over.)

Mother: “George! How many times do I have to tell you?! Robbie is not super-baby!”

Kids Love Kisses, Cuddles, And Face-Huggers

| Melbourne, Australia | Related | December 14, 2011

(I work in a specialty bookstore. We have a number of plush toys from various science-fiction series around the store. A man walks in with his 3-4 year old daughter. He leaves her by the counter while he looks at books. She proceeds to ask what all the toys in the store are. She points at the Xenomorph by the register.)

Little girl: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s a Xenomorph. They’re from the movie Aliens.”

Little girl: “They pop from your tummy!”

Me: “Chest, actua–wait, how do you know that?!”

Substitute Vices

| Massachusetts, USA | Related | December 13, 2011

(A mother is at my cash register while her 6-7 year old daughter is still looking around at items.)

Daughter: “Mom, there’s strawberry candy. Can I have some?”

Mom: “Sure, bring it over and let’s see.”

(They turn out to be condoms.)

Mom: “Uh…oh…that’s not candy. Put it back!”

Daughter: “I like strawberry!”

Mom: “You’re too young for that.”

Daughter: “Oh, is it alcoholic?”

Mom: “Well…sort of.”

Daughter: *cheerfully* “Okay, I’ll put it back!”

When In Rome, Do As The Japanese Do

| Italy | Related | December 13, 2011

(We are on a family vacation to Italy. We eat at the same pizzeria every evening. The cook comes out as we are leaving, and I want to say thank you.)

Me: “Grazi, sir! Your food is amazing!”

Cook: “You’re welcome! See you tomorrow!”

Dad: “Yeah! Gracias! Sayonara!”

Me: *walks quickly away*

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