The Loss Of The Net Is A Heavy Price Toupée

| MN, USA | Related | March 10, 2012

(I have just picked up my two little brothers from school and am driving them home.)

Little brother #1: “Aaron’s too stupid to know what a toupée is!”

Little brother #2: “I do too!”

(He leans into me, whispering.) “What’s a toupée?”

Me: “I’m not telling you.”

Little brother #2: “I’ll just Google it.”

Little brother #1: “No! Stop him!”

Me: “I can’t stop him from using Google.”

Little brother #1: “Destroy the internet!”

He didn’t have enough spots

| Related | March 9, 2012

Contains An Element Of Sass

| NY, USA | Related | March 9, 2012

Dad: “I don’t understand why you’re having so much trouble in college inorganic chemistry. When I took that class, I just read from my notes, never cracked a book, and aced the course.”

Me: “Dad, when you went to school, there were only 4 elements. Earth, air, fire, and water!”

Married To A Total Cow

| London, England, UK | Related | March 9, 2012

(I am father to a three-year-old daughter. My daughter, wife and I have just finished spending a day at a small city farm where children can interact with farm animals.)

Me: “So, sweetie…what was your favorite animal at the farm today?”

Daughter: “Mummy!”

Ivy Fatigue

| CA, USA | Related | March 9, 2012

(I am a high school senior talking to my father about college applications. It’s February, so decisions are just starting to come in.)

Dad: “My friends are all so excited about your college applications. They keep asking me to post things on Facebook so they know where you get in.”

Me: “Oh, that’s nice—”

Dad: “These are the same friends who went to MIT, Princeton, Yale…”

Me:Greaaaaat.”

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