Re-Dressing The Problem

| NY, USA | Related | February 14, 2012

(I am walking with my sister down the street. We’re just about to go inside the house when a friendly elderly woman says hello to us. Note: I am a guy.)

Lady: *shouting* “Good morning, ladies! You both look beautiful today!”

Me: “Thank you!”

*long pause*

Me: “Did she just call me a lady?!”

(My sister starts cracking up.)

Me: “Shut up and get in the house!”

Sister: “You first, beautiful!”

Failure On Aisle Three

| Portland, OR, USA | Related | February 14, 2012

(I am shopping at a local department store with my wife and 2 kids. I am pushing our 5-year-old son in the shopping cart, my wife is trailing behind with our 2-year-old daughter in the stroller. As we finish browsing one aisle, an old man has his cart parked across the end of the aisle, next to a stand-up display, effectively blocking the whole aisle so no one can get past.)

Me: “Excuse me.”

(The old man ignores me.)

Me: *a little louder* “Excuse me, please.”

(The old man sighs, and ignores me again.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir.”

(I grab his cart and moved it out of the way. The old man sighs extremely loud, waits until I get past, then angrily slams his cart back to previous blocking position, directly in front of my wife.)

Wife: “Excuse me, too!”

(The old man angrily takes his cart, and flings it across the aisle, where it crashes into the display, knocking quite a bit of it down and making a very large racket. My five-year-old son raises up his hand to point a finger directly at the old man.)

Son: “Fail!”

The Sweetest Deal

| FL, USA | Related | February 14, 2012

(We just got back from the store, and my 2-year old knows we bought some candy.)

Daughter: “Want candy!”

Mother: “Okay, but just a little.”

Daughter: “No want just a little!”

Mother: “How much do you want?”

Daughter: *after a pause to consider the question* “Want too much.”

The Mother Of Bad Memes

| OR, USA | Related | February 14, 2012

(I am picking up my younger brother from elementary school.)

Me: “I’m walking you home from school today. Mom can’t pick us up.”

Brother:Your mom can’t pick us up.”

Me: *confused* “That’s what I said.”

Brother: “That’s what your mom said!”

Flipping Off

| Chicago, IL, USA | Related | February 13, 2012

(My mom is a Filipino immigrant, and she uses that as an excuse either to get slang horribly wrong, or to make up her own.)

Mom: “Oh, did I tell you? I finger a lady yesterday!”

Me: “Say that again?”

Mom: “I finger a lady yesterday! I was driving to work and this lady cut me off in traffic, so I showed her my middle finger. I finger her!”

Me: “Yeah, can you find any other way to say that? At all? Ever?”

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