(Hair) Raising Children

| Long Beach, CA, USA | Related | March 22, 2012

(I have recently posted pictures of my brand new mohawk on Facebook. My slightly conservative mother responds.)

Mom: “Oh my God! What have you done to your hair!?”

Me: “I tried something new! Just like you and dad always encouraged me to do, I broadened my horizons!”

Mom:Sure! Make us eat those words!”

Bat-Manchu

| New Zealand | Related | March 22, 2012

(Note: We are a Chinese family.)

Brother: “I am Batman!”

Me: “No, you’re not muscular enough.”

Brother: “Don’t discriminate because I am white!”

(I stare blankly.)

Brother: “I mean Asian! Asian!”

Educate Vs Out-of-date

| NJ, USA | Related | March 22, 2012

(Note: My mother’s side of the family has just found out that I am getting married.)

Relative: “You’re engaged! We thought it would never happen!”

Elderly female relative: “I always thought that you had too much education to get a man…”

He Already Knows The Birds And The Bees

| USA | Related | March 21, 2012

(While at the zoo, I overhear a dad and his young son.)

Dad: “Oh, look at the peacocks. I count five. Do you see them?”

Son: “Daddy, there’s four peacocks!”

Dad: “No, five.”

Son: “The fifth one is a peahen!”

Freudian Slippery

| RI, USA | Related | March 21, 2012

(My aunt talking to my mom about how some paper is getting ripped.)

Aunt: “Do you have a lubricating machine?”

Mom: “What?”

Aunt: “You know, a lubricating machine.”

Mom: “You mean a laminating machine?”

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