Kids Love Kisses, Cuddles, And Face-Huggers

| Melbourne, Australia | Related | December 14, 2011

(I work in a specialty bookstore. We have a number of plush toys from various science-fiction series around the store. A man walks in with his 3-4 year old daughter. He leaves her by the counter while he looks at books. She proceeds to ask what all the toys in the store are. She points at the Xenomorph by the register.)

Little girl: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s a Xenomorph. They’re from the movie Aliens.”

Little girl: “They pop from your tummy!”

Me: “Chest, actua–wait, how do you know that?!”

Substitute Vices

| Massachusetts, USA | Related | December 13, 2011

(A mother is at my cash register while her 6-7 year old daughter is still looking around at items.)

Daughter: “Mom, there’s strawberry candy. Can I have some?”

Mom: “Sure, bring it over and let’s see.”

(They turn out to be condoms.)

Mom: “Uh…oh…that’s not candy. Put it back!”

Daughter: “I like strawberry!”

Mom: “You’re too young for that.”

Daughter: “Oh, is it alcoholic?”

Mom: “Well…sort of.”

Daughter: *cheerfully* “Okay, I’ll put it back!”

When In Rome, Do As The Japanese Do

| Italy | Related | December 13, 2011

(We are on a family vacation to Italy. We eat at the same pizzeria every evening. The cook comes out as we are leaving, and I want to say thank you.)

Me: “Grazi, sir! Your food is amazing!”

Cook: “You’re welcome! See you tomorrow!”

Dad: “Yeah! Gracias! Sayonara!”

Me: *walks quickly away*

Children Of The Corn

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Related | December 13, 2011

(I am buying some popcorn for my young daughter.)

Daughter: “Dad, what’s in popcorn?”

Me: “Uhm…well, that’s a good…I don’t know. Miss, what’s in popcorn?”

Concessions worker: “Corn.”

Me: “Well, that was embarrassing.”

Who Let The Dogs In

| Cochrane, Alberta, Canada | Related | December 12, 2011

(A customer comes to me with two giant bags of dog food. I ring them through.)

Customer: “You must think I have a bunch of dogs, huh?”

Me: “Um, yeah. Sure.”

Customer: “Nope! The in-laws are in town!”

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