Forgotten In The Ink Of An Eye

| Mystic, CT, USA | Related | June 1, 2012

(My brothers and I live with our grandparents. I have multiple tattoos and nine piercings.)

(July 2011: I walk in the door, and my little brother stares.)

Little brother: “What’s that thing on your face?”

Me: “I got my lip pierced.”

Grandma: “Ugh.”

Me: “Gram, it’s not worse than my tattoos.”

Grandma: “Tattoos?”

(I show her my ankle, forearm and collarbone, which are all tattooed.)

Grandma: “When did you get those?”

Me: “Two years ago, and last month.”

(December 2011:)

Grandma: “When did you get that tattoo on your foot?”

Me: “September. Remember, you couldn’t believe I got my foot tattooed?”

(I move my arm and she gasps.)

Grandma: “When did you get that thing on your arm?”

Me: “June. Remember?”

(March 2012:)

Grandma: “Did I know about that tattoo on your foot?”

Me: “Yes. And the one on my forearm and my ankle and my collarbone.”

Grandma: “Your forearm?”

(May 2012:)

Grandma: “Is that tattoo on your arm new?”

Me: “Nope, but the ones on my wrists are.”

Grandma: “And what about your foot?”

Me: “I’m just going to draw you a map of all my tattoos and add to it every time I get a new one.”

Why The Dog Hates Photos

| Related | June 1, 2012

This Fight Is At Fever Pitch

| NY, USA | Related | May 31, 2012

(I’m sick, and I have to stay home from school. I start feeling a bit better so I go on the computer in the main room.)

Cousin: “Hey! What’re you doing there? You’re supposed to be sick.”

Me: “I know. I am. I felt well enough to surf the web.”

Cousin: “Yeah right. You just faked being sick to get out of school, didn’t you?”

Me: *offended* “No! I’d never! I’m really sick!”

Cousin: *disbelieving* “Sure, whatever you say.”

(I am very stubborn when I know I’m in the right. So I go and get a thermometer. My cousin and I wait a few seconds.)

Me: *triumphantly* “Ha! 104.5 degrees! In your face! I’m sick!”

(My mom, a nurse, walks in as I yell this. I’m also dancing.)

Mom: “104.5?! You get your butt in bed right now!”

Me: “But, mom!”

Mom: “BED!”

(I won the argument, but I lost the computer.)

A Very High Score

| NSW, Australia | Related | May 31, 2012

(My brother is helping me study for my maths exam.)

Me: “I’m not getting this at all. It’s so confusing!”

Brother: “Okay, look at it this way. If you had 10 grams of cocaine and it sells for x per gram, and you mix it in the ratio x:x, how much money will you make?”

Me: “Really? You’re teaching me with drugs?”

Brother: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay!” *says correct answer*

(This continues for a while, using examples including drugs, stolen goods, and other illicit activities. He helps me study for maths for the rest of high school, and I ended up scoring a 94 on my final exam!)

With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 5

| Orlando, FL, USA | Related | May 31, 2012

(My brother and sister are making lunch in the kitchen.)

Brother: “Bacon! If I add bacon I will have a complete meal. Bread, cheese, meat, salt, and bacon.”

Sister: “What about the refried beans?”

Brother: “That’s secondary. Bacon goes before the fall.”

Sister: “Everybody thinks it was the apple that caused the fall, but in reality it was bacon!”

Related – From NotAlwaysRomantic
With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 4
With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 3
With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 2
With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility

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