Mommy Says All Men Are Evil

| Related | December 11, 2011

(A three-year-old boy is playing with some dolls at the day care center and separating them into families.)

Boy: “And this is the mommy, and this is the daughter, and this is the other mommy, and this is the son and the daughter, and this is the other mommy–”

Worker: “Where are all the daddies?”

Boy: “They’re in jail.”

Also seen on Not Always Right

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Way TooOOOOH Much Information

| Related | December 11, 2011

(Someone had left a massager in my department, and a little boy of about four found it and began to experiment with it. He held it up to his dad’s back and pushed the button; when that elicited no reaction, he held it up to his grandmother’s pelvic area and pushed the button.)

Grandma: “OOOOOOOOH! It’s a vibrator! ”

Little boy: *laughing* “Did it tickle?”

Grandma: “Yes, it tickled! But put it down before you break it and your daddy has to buy it.”

Little boy: *skips out toward main mall* “It’s a vibrator, a vibrator! I vibrated Granny!!!”

Also seen on Not Always Right

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Ah, Mothers, Part 2

| Related | December 11, 2011

(I overhear the following conversation as I’m stocking crafts; it’s a forty-something mother and her teenage daughter.)

Mother: “… okay, we need beads.”

Daughter: “Just make it fast.”

Mother: “Don’t take that attitude with me.”

Daughter: “I don’t know why I go anywhere with you!”

Mother: “Oh, look! Gift boxes! With Rudolph on them!”

Daughter: “Mom, be quiet. Just shut up… please.”

Mother: “Look! Rudolph! You see Rudolph?”

Daughter: “Mom, shut up! Can we leave?”

Mother: “It’s just so godd**n a** f**king cute!”

Daughter: *rolls her eyes and stomps off*

 

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Ah, Mothers, Part 6

| Related | December 11, 2011

(The child I’m working with is crying, so I go outside to talk to the mother.)

Me: “Your child seems to have some separation anxiety, ma’am. It’s against the rules, but I could let you stay and watch her work so she’ll feel better.”

Mother: “Oh, I think she’ll be fine after awhile. See, she’s been upset since we moved here from Chicago.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s difficult for a child sometimes.”

Mother: “But don’t tell her we moved, okay? We told her we were only going on a vacation. She has no idea we’re not going back.”

 

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Tries To Put His Foot Down But Just Draws Blanks

, , , , , | Related Right | March 22, 2010

Customer: “I need a card.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of card are you looking for?”

Customer: “It’s for my brother-in-law. He just had his foot amputated.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. We have ‘get well soon’ cards right here.”

Customer: “Well, he’s not really going to get better, is he?”

Me: “Well, we do have sympathy cards over there.”

Customer: “I don’t really like him.”

Me: “What about a blank card? You could write your own message?”

Customer: “You mean a card with nothing in it?”

Me: “Yes, that’s what blank cards are.”

Customer: “Well I’m not paying for that!” *leaves*

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