(One of Louie Armstrong’s songs is playing on the radio. My four-year-old sister is listening intently.)
 
Sister: “Mom! The Cookie Monster is singing!”
 

(I have sold a computer to an older woman and her son.)

Me: “So, it seems like we’ve got everything set up for your new computer! And since this is your first new device in almost a decade, would you be interested in signing up for any classes here at our store? Computers have really changed a lot since your last machine.”

Mom: “Classes do sound great, but I’ve already got a great teacher here! My son knows everything there is about computers. I’m sure he will sit down with me and teach me everything I need to know!”

(The customer’s son’s eyes open wide with a look of horror.)

Son: “You know, Mom, those classes sound great for you! I’ll even pay for them myself!”
 

(I am four years old. I have put my shoes on the wrong feet.)
 
Mom: “You need to switch your feet.”
 
(I burst into tears.)
 
Me: “But, these are the only feet I have!”
 

(My aunt has just died. My uncle is a high level state trooper. There are a few state troopers, in uniform, at the funeral to pay their respect. A woman comes up to my uncle, not knowing what he does for a living.)

Woman: “What are all these policemen doing here?”

Uncle: “You haven’t heard?”

(The woman shakes her head.)

Uncle: “You see that woman over there?”

(He points to a woman he doesn’t know.)

Uncle: “Well, she’s in jail for killing a man. But she really wanted to come to this funeral. The police agreed, but they are standing watch.” *walks away, leaving the woman standing there, shocked*

(My sister and I are in my room, and I randomly hug her. She hugs back.)

Me: “Stand up straight. It’s not good for your back.”

Sister: “What are you, my proctologist?”

(Pause.)

Sister: “I… I meant chiropractor.”