Kids Love Kisses, Cuddles, And Face-Huggers

| Melbourne, Australia | Related | December 14, 2011

(I work in a specialty bookstore. We have a number of plush toys from various science-fiction series around the store. A man walks in with his 3-4 year old daughter. He leaves her by the counter while he looks at books. She proceeds to ask what all the toys in the store are. She points at the Xenomorph by the register.)

Little girl: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s a Xenomorph. They’re from the movie Aliens.”

Little girl: “They pop from your tummy!”

Me: “Chest, actua–wait, how do you know that?!”

Substitute Vices

| Massachusetts, USA | Related | December 13, 2011

(A mother is at my cash register while her 6-7 year old daughter is still looking around at items.)

Daughter: “Mom, there’s strawberry candy. Can I have some?”

Mom: “Sure, bring it over and let’s see.”

(They turn out to be condoms.)

Mom: “Uh…oh…that’s not candy. Put it back!”

Daughter: “I like strawberry!”

Mom: “You’re too young for that.”

Daughter: “Oh, is it alcoholic?”

Mom: “Well…sort of.”

Daughter: *cheerfully* “Okay, I’ll put it back!”

When In Rome, Do As The Japanese Do

| Italy | Related | December 13, 2011

(We are on a family vacation to Italy. We eat at the same pizzeria every evening. The cook comes out as we are leaving, and I want to say thank you.)

Me: “Grazi, sir! Your food is amazing!”

Cook: “You’re welcome! See you tomorrow!”

Dad: “Yeah! Gracias! Sayonara!”

Me: *walks quickly away*

Children Of The Corn

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Related | December 13, 2011

(I am buying some popcorn for my young daughter.)

Daughter: “Dad, what’s in popcorn?”

Me: “Uhm…well, that’s a good…I don’t know. Miss, what’s in popcorn?”

Concessions worker: “Corn.”

Me: “Well, that was embarrassing.”

You’d Butter Follow Your Own Advice

| USA | Related | December 12, 2011

(I always forget to put the butter away after making my toast, and my parents (usually my dad) always remind me to. They stress how when I’m out on my own, I won’t have anyone to remind me. Furthermore, they always tell me not to leave any food under the stove lights. On this particular morning, I remembered and am just putting the lid back on the butter when my dad walks in.)

Dad: “Hey, don’t put it away! I need to use it.”

Me: “Okay…I was just putting the lid on it, since you guys are always reminding me.”

(I leave the kitchen as Dad starts to use the butter on his toast. I come back to the kitchen a couple hours later. The butter has been left on the counter, under the stove lights, almost completely melted.)

Me: *facepalm*

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