Turning Left Isn’t Right

| Chicopee, MA, USA | Related | April 16, 2012

(My dad is giving me driving lessons.)

Dad: “Okay, turn left at the next stop sign.”

(I turn left.)

Dad: “I said turn left!”

Me: “That was left!”

(He examines his hands to remind himself which one makes an ‘L’.)

Dad: “Oh. Well, I meant the other left!”

Old But Driven

| Stockbridge, MA, USA | Related | April 16, 2012

(I’m just getting out of a matinee with my mother and grandmother. The audience consists mainly of retirees.)

Grandma: *bolting towards the car* “Hurry up! We have to beat all these old people out of the parking lot!”

(We make it to the car and pull out ahead of the crowd.)

Grandma: “That’s the trouble with these matinees. Too many old people!”

How To Get Yourself Crucified

| Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Related | April 16, 2012

(My 19-year-old daughter is home for Easter. After church, she’s talking to the pastor about what is nice about coming home for holidays.)

Pastor: “But we all know the best reason for Easter.”

Daughter: “Real food and peeps?”

(The Pastor stares blankly.)

Daughter: “Uh…or Jesus returning from the dead?”

Family is…

| Related | April 16, 2012

Oblivious To Stating The Obvious

| Australia | Related | April 15, 2012

(I’m about 7 and am sitting in the back of the car reading. My brother and my dad are in the front. My brother is five years older than me. My brother looks back to me with a big smile on his face.)

Brother: “Hey!”

(I ignore him and keep reading.)

Brother: “What am I? Eeee-awwww, eeee-awwww, eeee-awwww!” *sound of an ambulance*

Me: *not even looking up from my book* “A bloody idiot.”

(My dad, who should be scolding me, is laughing so much that he’s crying.)

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