Good To Have Drive From An Early Age

| Sweden | Related | May 21, 2012

(I am babysitting my friend’s 3-year old daughter. We are pretending to ride a bus.)

Me: *making engine noises*

3-year old: *points ahead* “Police over there.”

Me: “The police, why?”

3-year old: “Mommy is driving.”

His Stupidity Sense Is Tingling

| NY, USA | Related | May 21, 2012

(My sister and I are in the backseat of the car, waiting for my dad to find a parking spot. A blonde woman walks by, and my sister decides to be very vocal about it.)

Sister: *screams* “Hot blonde! Oh, crap! The window’s open!”

(There’s a spider is on my window.)

Me: “Oh, there’s a spider!

(The window slides up, then down, then up, and then down.)

Me: “WE DON’T WANT YOU HERE!”

Dad: “Oh, my God! It’s like stupidity in stereo.”

Naked Chewie

| Related | May 21, 2012

Related To Sheldon Cooper

| MI, USA | Related | May 20, 2012

(We have two hyper cats, one of which is supposed to be my sister’s, but both animals prefer me.)

Sister: “Here kitty, kitty. Here kitty. Kitty! No, stop chewing that!”

Me: *singing* “Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur…”

(Both cats bound up to me and curl in my lap, completely still and purring.)

Me: “Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.”

Sister: “How do you do that?”

Me: “Hey, I figured if it works for Sheldon Cooper, it would work on two cat-nip highs.”

(My sister glares.)

Me: “Bazinga, sucker!”

 

This Saying Is Not A Keeper

| MI, USA | Related | May 20, 2012

(My mother never, ever says anything besides the following when asked if she’s seen something.)

Stepdad: “Honey where are my keys?”

Mother: “I don’t know. I’m your wife, not your keeper.”

Brother: “Mom, have you seen the TV remote?”

Mother: “I’m your mother, not your keeper.”

Me: “Why do you keep saying that? It’s annoying.”

Mother: “Because it’s true.”

(Later in the day.)

Mother: “Have you seen-”

Me: *without missing a beat* “I’m your daughter, not your keeper.”

(Pause.)

Mother: “Wow. That is annoying.”

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