Pray They Were Bottle Fed Babies

| NY, USA | Related | April 14, 2012

(My parents are very openly physical with each other. My dad is also a little bit sick. He grabs my mom’s chest and then breaks into a coughing fit.)

Mom: “See? Karma. That’s what happens when you squeeze me.”

Me: *overhearing* “What, you start releasing toxins?”

Mom: “Oh, shut up!”

A Lawyer Walks Into A Dis-bar…

| UT, USA | Related | April 13, 2012

(I have recently started working for a law firm as an assistant.)

Dad: “Have you told your new boss any of my lawyer jokes?”

Me: “Nope, not really.”

Dad: “Why not?!”

Me: “I don’t want to get fired my first month.”

Dad: “Aw, come on, where’s your sense of humor?”

Me: “I don’t think he’d like being compared to a bottom dwelling, scum sucking fish.”

Dad: “How will you know until you try?”

Naming gone wrong

| Related | April 13, 2012

Alcohol Related Violence

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Related | April 13, 2012

(I am eighteen months old and my little brother has just been born. My parents have friends around to meet him and they’re all sitting together drinking juice. I am sitting next to my parents playing with a new baby doll.)

Aunt: “A toast to my new nephew! Cheers!”

(Everyone clinks their glasses together. I suddenly grab my baby doll by the feet and hit my new baby brother in the head with it.)

Me: “Cheers!”

Late Bro-omer

| PA, USA | Related | April 13, 2012

(I work the front desk at my dad’s office. After a meeting with a younger client, my dad and the client come back to the waiting room and my dad shakes his hand and engages in a quick, one-armed hug. My dad is 53.)

Me: “Dad, really? What was that about?”

Dad: *serious* “That was a bro hug. We’re bros now.”

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