You’d Butter Follow Your Own Advice

| USA | Related | December 12, 2011

(I always forget to put the butter away after making my toast, and my parents (usually my dad) always remind me to. They stress how when I’m out on my own, I won’t have anyone to remind me. Furthermore, they always tell me not to leave any food under the stove lights. On this particular morning, I remembered and am just putting the lid back on the butter when my dad walks in.)

Dad: “Hey, don’t put it away! I need to use it.”

Me: “Okay…I was just putting the lid on it, since you guys are always reminding me.”

(I leave the kitchen as Dad starts to use the butter on his toast. I come back to the kitchen a couple hours later. The butter has been left on the counter, under the stove lights, almost completely melted.)

Me: *facepalm*

Who Let The Dogs In

| Cochrane, Alberta, Canada | Related | December 12, 2011

(A customer comes to me with two giant bags of dog food. I ring them through.)

Customer: “You must think I have a bunch of dogs, huh?”

Me: “Um, yeah. Sure.”

Customer: “Nope! The in-laws are in town!”

Stealing Is Old Hat

| Boston, MA, USA | Related | December 12, 2011

(I am working at a return desk when an old lady and a little girl approach.)

Old lady: “I want to return this hat!”

(The little girl chimes in.)

Little girl: “But Grandma! Don’t you have to pay for it first?”

(The old lady glares at her grand-daughter, grabs her by the arm and stomps off, sans the hat.)

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Like Son, Like Father

| Gainesville, FL, USA | Related | December 12, 2011

(I overhear a boy about the age of 8, wandering through the pet store and looking at the fish tanks.)

Boy: “27 cents for a goldfish? What a rip-off!”

(He wanders down to the tanks containing very large fancy goldfish.)

Boy: “$50 for a goldfish? What a rip-off!”

(He continues in this fashion, reading the prices out aloud and exclaiming ‘what a rip-off!’ after each one. His father tracks him down.)

Father: “Hey buddy, ready to go?”

Boy: “Look at this pretty fish, dad!”

Father: “$15? What a rip-off!”

Ah, Fathers, Part 2

| Commack, NY, USA | Related | December 11, 2011

(I’m working in an electronics retail store, and see a man in his late 40s with a kid no older then 10.)

Me: “Welcome sir, did you get…”

(I look in his cart and see that it’s mostly filled with identical Spongebob DVDs.)

Me: “…everything?”

Man: “I guess so.”

Boy: “MORE SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB!”

Man: “All right, let’s go get some more.”

(About 5 minutes later he comes back, with more Spongebob DVDs… the same ones, to be exact.)

Man: “All right, I think this is enough.”

(I ring him up, and the total comes to about $550.00 USD.)

Me: *whispering* “Uhh, sir… these are mostly the same thing.”

Man: “Oh, don’t worry about it. I hate my life anyway.”

 

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