Shooting Down Toilet Humor

| PA, USA | Related | February 8, 2012

(My dad, mom and I are sitting in the living room. My dad is relating jokes sent to him by a co-worker.)

Dad: “So, there’s this really funny one. It’s a picture of two guys with rifles standing over a toilet. The caption says, ‘Two guys shooting craps’.”

Mom: “Craps. That’s a type of fish, right?”

(My dad and I stare at her, dumbfounded.)

Mom: “Well, what else would be swimming in a toilet?”

Singing Is A Thorny Issue

| Santiago, Chile | Related | February 8, 2012

(My sister and I are listening to the radio while I’m driving.)

Sister: *singing with the radio* “Every road has its stone!”

Me: “What the?”

Sister: “What?”

Me: “Did you just sing, ‘Every road has its stone’?”

Sister: “Yeah, why?”

Me: “Are you serious? It’s ‘Every rose has its thorn’!”

Sister: “Really?! Well, my way makes sense too, so leave me alone!”

Singing Is Good For The Sole

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Related | February 8, 2012

(My family is having sushi for dinner. My brother’s favorite kind of sushi is anything that contains tuna.)

Waitress: “Can I get you guys anything else?”

Brother: “Yeah, can we get more tuna nigiri, please?”

Mom: “Haven’t you had enough tuna for one night?”

Brother: “No! I haven’t had my fill yet!”

Mom: “You shouldn’t eat so much tuna. It’s bad for you; it’s very high in mercury.”

Brother: “So, eating tuna will make me a better singer? Don’t stop me now!”

Mother Needs To Get Her Facts Straight

| England, UK | Related | February 7, 2012

(I came out as gay to my family just over a year ago. My mum took an instant liking to it, and she now demands that we do stereotypically gay things together, which I detest. She is badgering me about her fashion sense and how she looks.)

Mum: “How does this top look? I think it tugs in all the wrong places. Should I take it back? I’m going to take it back.”

Me: *sigh* “It looks fine mum, honestly.”

Mum: “C’mon! Don’t lie to me. You gays are supposed to be catty and jump at a chance to insult a fatty like me!”

Me: “Mum, we’re not going into this again!”

Mum: “God, there’s no pleasing you! I think I got a defective gay. Is there a place I can trade you in for one who will come with me to the spa, have girly movie nights, and talk about boys over large tubs of ice cream?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s called the TV gay stereotype.”

Mum: “You’re not as fun as the gays on TV. At least they share naughty tips with bananas and stuff!”

They Would Rather Steal A Foot-Long Than A Six-Year

| FL, USA | Related | February 7, 2012

(I am standing in line at a deli. As it is a busy time of day, people are lined up all the way to the entrance. A mother and her six year old daughter walk in behind us.)

Mother: *cheerfully* “No, honey, you can’t stand outside. Someone
might snatch you because you’re so cute, and sell you on the black market!”

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