Represent Your Daughter

| Tempe, AZ, USA | Related | April 27, 2012

(I am student teaching high school freshmen. I’m about to graduate and have called my dad to vent a little bit about my students. Keep in mind, we are Caucasian and my dad is generally fairly conservative.)

Me: “I put up a picture of Winston Churchill on the screen, and my kids kept saying how ‘swag’ he looks. I don’t even know what that means!”

Dad: *apparently internet-searching* “Oh! This website called Urban Dictionary has a definition.”

Me: “Uh, dad, it’s okay…”

Dad: “Swag. The way in which you carry yourself. Hey, there’s examples!”

Me: “Dad! Stop!”

Dad: “That guy’s got killa swag. Swag up, b****!” Look! I found out what I will yell at you while you’re walking across the graduation stage!”

Me: “Oh God, no. I will run away and hide.”

Dad: “My daughter’s got some swag! You b****es represent!”

Not weird at all

| Related | April 26, 2012

You’re My Number One

| Puyallup, WA, USA | Related | April 26, 2012

Mom: “You know I love you, right?”

Me: “Aww, I love you, too…”

Mom: “…and I need you to go in my closet and see if you can find where the cat peed.”

Needs Imp-plants

| MN, USA | Related | April 26, 2012

(I am a teenage boy with a twin sister, stepbrother, and stepsister all around the same age. My twin sister happens to have very large breasts, while my stepsister has almost nonexistent ones. They make fun of each other constantly.)

Step-sister: “Oh! I named my boobs!”

Me: “You named…your boobs?”

Step-sister: “Uh-huh! This one’s Jessica, and this one’s Tina!”

Twin sister: “You can’t name your boobs. You don’t have any.”

Step-sister: “Don’t make fun of midgets!”

Bitter In Her Resolve

| NY, USA | Related | April 26, 2012

(I’m having a half and half iced tea out of the can. My mom sees the can.)

Mom: “What is that?”

Me: “Half and half.”

Mom: “What?”

Me: “Half-lemonade, half-iced tea.”

Mom: “Let me see that…it looks like beer!”

Me: “It’s just iced tea!”

Mom: “It looks like alcohol!”

Me: “I’ve had two of them already!”

Mom: “That doesn’t tell me anything.”

Me: “I’ve had it before!”

Mom: “That still doesn’t tell me anything.”

Me: “Read the ingredients.”

Mom: “Five percent juice? What’s the other 95%?”

Me: *sighs and rolls eyes* “Taste it then.”

Mom: “No, I don’t want to get drunk!”

Page 1,598/1,694First...1,5961,5971,5981,5991,600...Last
« Previous
Next »