It’ll Go Away If You’re Belieber

| Illinois, USA | Related | December 11, 2011

(I work as a nurse in hospital in Illinois. Keep in mind where quite busy at the moment. A woman rushes up to me dragging a preteen girl behind her.)

Woman: “Help! Please help! My daughter needs a vaccine!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I need to know what the vaccine is for. Do you have an appointment?”

Woman: “No! I don’t have any appointment! My daughter has a fever!”

Daughter: “Mom! I don’t have a fever!”

Woman: *still looking at me* “Her aunt told me she has it! The Heever Fever!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you trying to say ‘Bieber Fever’?”

Woman: “Yes! That!”

Daughter: “Mom! You’re embarrassing me!”

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Emergency Services Must Be Pooped

| Tampa, FL, USA | Related | December 11, 2011

(I get dispatched to a call: ‘1 year old male, possibly crying’. We get on scene and the mother opens the front door with a happy and healthy baby in her arms.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am. What seems to be the problem today?”

Mother: “Well, my baby just looked terrible so I freaked out and called you guys.”

Me: “It’s not a problem. Can you tell me what happened?”

Mother: “Well it was right after dinner. He looked confused, turned bright red, and started crying uncontrollably.”

Me: “And when did he stop crying?”

Mother: “He just stopped right before you guys got here. I changed his diaper, and here we are.”

Me: “Ma’am, I think I know what the problem is. Your baby was just constipated.”

(At this point, the grandmother walks in the room.)

Grandmother: “You called 911? He had to poop! I told you he wasn’t ready for solid food! I’m sorry, guys. You can go back to the people who really need your help. I got this.”

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A Mother’s Love Is Priceless, For Everything Else There’s Credit Cards

| Dayton, OH, USA | Related | December 11, 2011

(A little girl walks up to me and my coworker. She is crying.)

Me: “Oh, honey. What’s wrong?”

Girl: “I can’t find my mom.”

Me: “Well, I can page over the speaker for her. What’s her name?”

(She gives me the name. My coworker gets a description of her mother as I page. When it’s a lost child, all we say is ‘We have something of yours’ for safety reasons. This is to make sure the child does go with their actual parent.)

Girl: “I think she left.”

Coworker: “No, she didn’t. She’s probably looking for you.”

Girl: “She said she was going to leave me if I didn’t keep up.”

Me: “She didn’t mean it. Don’t worry, she’ll be here.”

(We get the girl to talk about her school and dog to keep her mind off how scared she is. It is the longest we have waited for a parent to come. Her mother finally gets there, and stops as soon as she sees her daughter.)

Mother: “Oh, you! I thought I lost my credit card. Well, come on already! You’ve slowed me down enough.”

(The girl quietly walks over to her mother.)

Mother, to me: “Next time, just say it’s my daughter so I know not to rush!”

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Unconcentrated Juice

| Springfield, MO, USA | Related | December 11, 2011

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant name]. My name is Julie and I’ll be talking care of you today. What may I get you to drink?”

Customer: “Where am I?!”

Customer’s Daughter: “She’ll have a vodka on the rocks…straight.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “Who are you?! Where’s my juice?!”

Me: “Um…” *looks at customer, then back at the daughter* “Are you sure?”

Customer’s Daughter: “Trust me, the vodka is the only thing that shuts her up.”

(I bring them the vodka.)

Customer: “Who are you!? My juice is funny!”

(3 vodkas later.)

Me: “How was your meal, ladies?”

Customer: “You smell nice. And you have good juice.”

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Common Courtesies: Not For Commoners

, | California, MD, USA | Related | December 11, 2011

(I am a cashier at a locally owned grocery store that is frequented by families. A dad comes in with two sons. The younger one puts a drink in the front of their order.)

Kid: “Don’t put this in a bag.”

Dad: “Hey! You could at least say ‘please’!”

Kid: “Dad, you don’t say ‘please’ to clerks, only to people! I learned it in my lesson yesterday!”

Also seen on Not Always Right

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