(We’re an English-speaking family, but our nine-year-old daughter is bilingual. We’re chatting with a group of friends. Our British friend is very proud of himself for learning some new American slang.)

Friend: “Do you know what a ‘badonkadonk’ is?”

(Our daughter pipes in.)

Daughter: “Yeah! It means you got a lot of junk in the trunk!”

(We all stop and stare at her.)

Daughter: “Grandma taught me that.”

(I am a girl. My brother and I are only a year apart, but look very little alike. Despite this, we are close friends and hang out with the same crowd. My brother is driving a new friend and me to a get-together at my dorm.)

Security Guard: “Names and ID?”

Me: “I’m [my name], he’s [my brother’s name], and he’s [friend’s name].”

(The guard waves us in.)

Friend: “Oh, you guys have the same last name.”

Me: “Yeah. I’m his older sister.”

Friend: “…oh.”

Brother: “You didn’t know we were siblings?”

(Our friend suddenly looks very uncomfortable.)

Friend: “…no.”

(It dawns on us that our friend thought my brother and I were a couple.)

Brother: “No. No. No. No. No. No. NO!”

Friend: “I’m sorry!”

(I am laughing too hard to speak.)

Brother: “NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOO!”

(I’ve taken my five-year-old niece to the shops to get some ice cream which gives my little sister some free time. The family has been teaching her how to ask for things politely, with moderate success. My niece orders her ice cream, remembering at the last moment to say please. As the lady serving us, there is silence.)

Me: “And what do you say to the nice lady now that she’s given you your ice cream?”

My Niece: *at the top of her lungs* “BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!”

(I crack up laughing, and the poor serving lady is shocked. I have no idea how my niece learnt about Khorne from Warhammer, but I’m very glad she has!)

(My four-year-old niece is sitting on my lap, facing me. I’m not svelte by any means.)

Niece: “Auntie, do you have this chin in case something happens to your real chin?”

Sister: “Mom, I don’t understand the beginning of this book.”

Mom: “Let me see.”

(Mom looks at the page, then stares at my sister blankly.)

Mom: “Honey, this is ‘About the Author’. Go try again.”