Precious Family Moments

| CA, USA | Related | February 1, 2012

(Note: this takes place over dinner. While eating, my thirteen-year-old brother pipes up.)

Younger brother: “I just realized something! You know how everybody in Lord of the Rings thinks Sam is dumb? He used a four syllable word!”

(He starts counting on fingers.)

Younger brother: “Po-ta-toes!”

Hear No Evil, Saw No Evil

| Ireland | Related | February 1, 2012

(My mother and I are shopping. We are there mainly so I can get a sewing machine, but decide to pick up a few other things, too.)

Me: *in a loud, child-like voice* “Mammy, can I have a chainsaw?”

Mother: “No! Not after last time!”

Me: “But, I said I was sorry!”

Mother: “No! You remember how long it took to sew that rabbit’s ears back on?!”

(An older man has overheard and is staring intently at us—and the contents of our cart.)

Me: “But, they didn’t fall off this time! I promise I’ll be good!”

Mother: “That’s what you said about the angle grinder too.”

Me: “Hey! That cat shouldn’t have gotten in the way!”

Mother: “You’re still not getting one!”

No Contracepticons

| Chicago, IL, USA | Related | February 1, 2012

(My brother and I have just spent two hours at the kitchen table assembling a Lego Transformers car with little Lego transformer figures.)

Me: “What happens when two Transformers have an accident in the back seat?”

Brother: “A smart car.”

Me: “That explains a lot, actually.”

(My mother just shakes her head.)

You Are What You Eat

| Ithaca, NY, USA | Related | January 31, 2012

(I work at a museum and I’m doing a program for children at our starfish tank.)

Me: “Now, we have to keep the younger sea stars away from the bigger ones.
That’s because the adults will try and eat the young sea stars.”

Dad: *leaning down to his son* “Yeah, that was a problem for your
mother…”

Kids Put Urine To A Tight Spot

| Heathrow, London, England, UK | Related | January 31, 2012

(We have just landed in rough weather and the plane is still shaking violently as we taxi in. The seat belt lights are on and the stewardess has again told everyone to remain seated. The little boy across the aisle wakes up suddenly, with panic on his face.)

Boy: “Mommy, I need to go.”

Mother: “Just sit still. We are nearly there.”

(The boy tries to squirm free, despite his mother keeping a tight hold on him.)

Boy: “But, I need to go to the toilet now.”

Mother: “Just wait. We have to stay in our seats.”

(The little boy’s face is now bright red, and he shouts at the top of his voice.)

Boy: “Mommy, some of my pee pee is coming out, now!”

(Realizing catastrophe is imminent, she does what only a mother could: she grabs him and runs zigzag down the aisle to the toilet.)

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