Calling Late Put Mom In A State

| Washington, DC, USA | Related | May 17, 2012

(I have recently moved across the country. I’m at the grocery store and I call my mom to ask her about an ingredient substitution.)

Mom: “Wait, are you at the store right now?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mom: “But, it’s 10 o’clock at night there!”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

Mom: “Are you going to be okay walking home by yourself?”

Me: “Are you going to fly out if I’m not?”

300 Decibels

| Robeline, LA, USA | Related | May 17, 2012

(I’m listening to ‘Phantom of the Opera’ as I’m surfing the internet.)

Dad: *walks into the living room* “What’re you watching?”

Me: *still looking at the computer*Phantom of the Opera. It’s a musical based on a pretty good novel.”

Dad: *staring at the TV* “Hmm, isn’t that Gerard Butler?”

Me: “Yeah, why?”

Dad: “I’ll always remember him as King Leonidas from 300.”

Me: “Yeah, well, in this he’s Erik the Phantom.”

Dad: *very loudly, near my ear* “THIS… IS… OPERA!”

(I nearly fall out of the computer chair.)

Me: “I…just don’t know what to do with you.”

In-Tents Fire

| WV, USA | Related | May 17, 2012

(My brother was camping with some friends for a week. He is meeting our parents and I to finish up the camping trip together. When he arrives, his leg is heavily bandaged. We’re hanging out by the fire while our parents are on the phone with the doctor.)

Me: “What the heck did you do?”

Brother: “Eh… me and [friend] got crazy drunk and decided to play burning-sticks-sword-fighting.”

Me: “You, are an idiot.”

Brother: “Yeah. That’s why I told Mom and Dad I tripped and fell into the fire…”

A Close Call Can Make You Panic

| USA | Related | May 17, 2012

(My sister has a fear of talking on the phone and is easily flustered. I called her at home a couple minutes ago, and am now calling back.)

Sister: “Hello?”

Me: “Did you just pick up and then hang up on me?”

Sister: “Yeah. Sorry. I was on my cell phone, then the other phone rang, and I panicked!”

Offend Mother And There Will Be Hell To Pay

| USA | Related | May 17, 2012

(My mother is convinced that life should be about avoiding offending everybody on the planet, even if you don’t know that person.)

Me: “At some point, I want to get a black cat and name it ‘Mephistopheles’, and one of those cow-spotted cats and name it ‘Faust’.”

Mom: “Why in the world would you do that? You would offend your Christian friends!”

Me: “Well, mother, for one thing I think my friends would understand it’s a literary reference. And, for two, the only people I can think of who would be offended by that, are not people I would allow into my home or be friends with.”

Mom: “But, it would offend them! You can’t name a cat after a devil character!”

Me: “Mom, the cat in Disney’s Cinderella is named ‘Lucifer’. I don’t think people will care if I name a cat ‘Mephistopheles’. Especially since, if you had actually read ‘Faust’, you would know that ‘Mephistopheles’ does not get ‘Faust’s’ soul. It’s purely for the literary reference.”

Mom: “Hmph. Don’t let the neighbors here you say that. They won’t like it.”

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