Fractionally More Intelligent

| PA, USA | Related | April 5, 2012

(My sister, mother and I are eating dinner.)

Sister: “Do you want any more?”

Me: “Yup!”

Sister: “Aww.”

Me: “Wanna split it, 50-50?”

Sister: “I’d rather split it 60-30, my favor.”

Me: *exchanges look with mom* “Who gets the last ten?”

Sister: *pause* “Shut up!”

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 3

| Nashville, TN, USA | Related | April 5, 2012

(My mother and I are out at lunch with my sister, her husband, and their two young children. One of the children we all describe as ‘evil’.)

Sister’s husband: “So, we have some news.”

Mom: “You are pregnant?”

(They both look at their child, who is smearing rice all over her face, and then look back at us.)

Both: “Oh, hell no.”


Epic Wail

| UK | Related | April 5, 2012

(A child of about six has been riding her scooter up and down the disabled ramp. She falls off. Her mother is standing nearby, but has her arms full with another little girl, about three, so hasn’t moved to comfort her. The child is crying.)

Mum: *sounding sympathetic* “Oh, dear.”

(The child, realising she is getting attention, starts wailing louder.)

Mum: *sounding less sympathetic* “Now that’s what I call epic fail.”

Timing Is Off By A Few Degrees

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Related | April 4, 2012

(I am at my Auntie’s house for lunch. She has just had a new central heating system fitted, with a remote controlled temperature system. She is showing me the remote.)

Auntie: *pointing* “See, look there. It’s 215 degrees.”

Me: “Auntie, that says 2:15. And that’s the time!”

He Forgot Hammer-Man

| Cortland, NY, USA | Related | April 4, 2012

(I’m in my living room with my 5-year-old and 2-year-old sons. A friend of mine stops by, wearing an Avengers T-shirt.)

5-year-old son: “That’s Captain America and Black Widow and Iron Man and The Hulk!”

(My friend looks at my younger, 2-year-old son.)

Friend: “Can you name any?”

2-year-old son: “Nick Fury and Arrow-Guy.”

Friend: “Close enough.”

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