The Nickname Blame Game

| NY, USA | Related | June 12, 2012

(My cousin is due to have a baby girl in a few months. She has picked out a name that is very weird and one no one else has ever heard of. She’s over at my house where my sister and I are trying to talk her out of it.)

Me: “What’s wrong with Diana, or Rachel, or Elizabeth?”

Cousin: “Oh, they’re so overused! The name I picked will stand out so well!”

Sister: “Think about your daughter’s future, woman!”

(We don’t convince her by the time she leaves. As soon as she’s gone, my sister and I try to figure out what to do.)

Sister: “That kid’s going to get beaten up on the playground with a name like that! What do we do?”

Me: “Simple. We pick a cool nickname. We introduce her by that nickname to everyone we meet. We’ll use it so often that she’ll forget her real name!”

Sister: “Great. She’ll have a weird name, and an identity crisis.”

Seedy Humor

| Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Related | June 12, 2012

(My sister is giving me a ride home. She has often complained about all the leaves that fall onto her car. This time, there is quite a significant amount of debris.)

Sister: “Ugh! All these leaves!”

Me: *laughing* “The trees are pooping on your car.”

(We both grin.)

Me: “Hmm. Actually, these are all seeds, so you know what those trees are actually doing on your car?” *eyebrow wiggling*

Multiple Ways Of Being Positive

| Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Related | June 12, 2012

(My oldest brother is what some would call ‘classically’ autistic, and goes through phases of saying or doing odd things. When we were children he took to saying ‘yessir’ instead of ‘yes’. For some reason this annoys me, and I attempt to correct him.)

Me: “Now, do you say yes or yessir?”

Brother: “Yessir.”

(This goes on for a couple of minutes. I give up.)

Me: “You’re just going to keep saying yessir your entire life aren’t you?”

Brother: *suddenly grinning* “YEAH!” *runs out of the room giggling*

Interrupting Squirrel

| Related | June 11, 2012

He’s Gone Coco-Nuts

| IL, USA | Related | June 11, 2012

(We are at a family reunion, and my 97-year-old great-grandfather is questioning one of his sons (my great-uncle) about the desserts available.)

Grandpa: “So, what kind of pies are there?”

Uncle: “There’s a chocolate one and a coconut one.”

Grandpa: “So, there’s coconut?”

Uncle: “Yes, there’s coconut and chocolate.”

Grandpa: “Is there chocolate?”

Uncle: “Yes.”

Grandpa: “And coconut?”

Uncle: “Dad, there’s a chocolate pie and a coconut pie.”

Grandpa: “But there’s coconut, right?”

Uncle: ”Yes!”

Grandpa: “Well, I want chocolate. I hate coconut!”

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