Rejection Is Its Own Punishment

(A buddy and I are at the register, being rung up by an incredibly pretty woman.)

Cashier: “Oops. I accidentally rang the item up twice.”

Me: “That’s it! You’re fired! Or, punished.” *semi-flirtatiously* “Would you rather be punished?”

Cashier: *almost desperately* “Oh, God, no!”

(I decide to keep my mouth shut afterward, as my feeble attempt at flirting was an all-too-obvious failure. We leave the store.)

Friend: “Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone rejected that swiftly, or with that much horror.”

Me: “Some ‘wing-man’ you turned out to be.”

Friend: “Hey, I was going to try flirting with her myself, because she was really cute. But, seeing the flaming wreckage that you became, I chose to play it safe.”

Me: “So, you sacrificed me for your greater good?”

Friend: “Exactly.”