Red Flags

I don’t like tomato, so I always get my pasta with cream and cheese sauces, pesto, or just olive oil, whatever, just no tomatoes.

Me: “Can I get the carbonara, please?”

Waiter: “We’re doing a special on the Amatriciana tonight. That’s basically like a carbonara but more of a marinara.”

Me: “No, thank you, I’m not into tomatoes.”

Waiter: “It’s not tomatoes, it’s marinara.”

Me: “Uh, yeah. There’s… tomato in marinara.”

Waiter: “There’s no such thing as a marinara tomato.”

Me: “Yes, but tomato is a major ingredient inside a marinara.”

Waiter: “No, it isn’t.”

Me: “Look, I just don’t like red foods. Can you respect that?”

Waiter: “Oh! You’re autistic! Why didn’t you just say so!”

A waiter in an Italian restaurant who didn’t know basic Italian cooking? Good thing I didn’t have any allergies! Suffice it to say, I did not eat there again…