Recognise A Stalker When I See One

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | Friendly | February 24, 2017

(I’m a young woman in the city, walking down the street in winter with a fluffy coat and jeans to get groceries, no makeup or contacts on. Suddenly, a guy rides up from behind me on his bike.)

Guy: *before he’s even in front of me* “Hey, you look familiar!”

Me: “Uh…”

Guy: *finally coming around and seeing my face* “No, really, you do!”

Me: “…”

Guy: “Oh, I guess that sounds weird since I was behind you, huh?”

Me: “Yeah, kinda.”

Guy: “It’s not a pick-up line!”

Me: *visibly uncomfortable at this point* “Okay…”

Guy: “So do you live on this block or something?”

Me: “Are you serious?”

Guy: “Yeah! I totally have seen you around. Have you been to [Bar #1] or [Bar #2]?”

Me: “No.”

Guy: “Am I making you uncomfortable?”

Me: “Yes.”

Guy: “Well, I’m not hitting on you.”

Me: “…”

Guy: “No, really, I’m looking for advice for a place to take my date later.”

Me: “How would I know?”

Guy: “Have you heard of [Bar #3]?”

Me: *rounding the corner, finally* “I’m going to go this way now.”

Guy: “Oh, that’s too bad. Bye then. Maybe I’ll see you around!”

(I really hope I haven’t just found a stalker…)

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