Recaf My Decaf

Me: “Thanks for calling [Pizza Shop]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to speak to your manager on duty.”

Me: “That would be me. What can I do for you?”

Caller: “I had placed an order with you earlier, and got [Caffeinated Soft Drink] and [Non-caffeinated Soft Drink]. I opened [Non-caffeinated Soft Drink] and it tasted funny and raised my blood pressure. You must have tampered with it and added caffeine. I’d like a replacement.”

Me: “I can assure you that your drink wasn’t tampered with. It’s in sealed bottle from the manufacturer. But, what would you like instead?”

Caller: “I’d like another drink.”

(I list the four drinks we carry, three of which have caffeine.)

Caller: “I’d like a [Different Caffeinated Soft Drink].”

Me: “So, you’re going to replace [Non-caffeinated Soft Drink] that was supposedly tampered with and had caffeine added for a drink that is guaranteed to have caffeine?”

Caller: “You got it!”

Me: *sighs* “It’ll be the in about thirty minutes, sir. Have a nice day…”