Rear-ly Bad Decisions

I’m in a hospital ward behind some closed curtains, waiting to be discharged. I overhear a doctor talking to another patient a few beds down:

Doctor: “So what did we learn this weekend?”

Patient: “Don’t put anything up there when I’m drunk.”

Doctor: “Close, don’t put anything up there at all, even when you’re sober.”

Patient: “Don’t be stupid, doctor, why would I shove anything up there while I’m sober?”