Realization Hits You With A Bang

Every couple of years, we get called in to do safety meetings. They take about fifteen people at a time and have them watch some boring video. 

This meeting was about what to do in case a gunman came into the store. But at the time, managers were telling everyone they couldn’t use certain words, like ‘gun’. For example, we have a device known as a spa-gun, used to check prices, and it is in the rough shape of a gun. We were told to change it to ‘spa-unit’. No one did. 

So the manager is trying to explain that the video might be graphic and upsetting and is trying not to use words like gun, attack, or shooting… He’s using words he found in a thesaurus. My coworker is sitting next to me and is utterly confused.

Coworker: “What the heck is he talking about?”

Me: “Oh, you know…. Bang bang, he shot me down. Bang bang, I hit the ground. Bang bang, that awful sound.”

Coworker: “Ohhh! Well, why didn’t he just say that?!”

Together: *Quietly.* “Bang bang, my baby shot me down.”