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REAL Locker Room Banter

, , , | Working | September 18, 2017

(I have started a new job, and after I get chatting with my new coworkers, I politely ask what the manager was like.)

Coworker: “Oh… she’s okay, but a bit odd. You’ll see.”

(I am pretty worried about this, especially when the manager in question calls everyone into a meeting.)

Manager: “Morning, folks. Some minor bad news, I’m afraid. I’ve just had instruction from the head office that I’ve got to perform random locker checks every week.”

(Various people groan or roll their eyes.)

Manager: “Yeah, I know. Now, I want you to know that I trust you all, and I’m only doing this because the head office insists. I think it’s ridiculous and insulting, to be honest. So, I’ve decided we can have a bit of fun with it.”

(She gives a wicked grin.)

Manager: “Every week, I want you to hide the silliest things you can think of in your lockers. The person who makes me laugh the most will get a prize; bar of chocolate or a beer, depending on which they prefer.”

(Alas, I didn’t win the prize that week. My coworker won a beer after she found a well-filled sack with a sign saying “Totally not stolen goods” in his locker. However, I won the week after, thanks to a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs! The competition continued for about six months, before the head office decided to stop the locker checks. It was a shame; a coworker and I had just got hold of some prank springy snakes. So much wasted potential…)

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