When Feeling Sauer, Just Invoke A Higher Power

(Note: I work very limited hours at a German deli, and so often have to consult a manager on food specifics. One of our managers can also be a bit spacey, so I always confirm with him any answer he gives me, because he sometimes changes his mind halfway through answering.)

Customer: “Hi, I would like to buy some of the fresh sauerkraut. Do you know approximately how long it will last refrigerated?”

Me: “Well, sauerkraut by itself will last quite a while, but the kind we make here has bacon mixed in, which will affect how long it lasts. Let me ask my manager to give you a better estimate.”

Customer: “Sure, thanks.”

Me: *to my manager* “Hey, do you know how long this sauerkraut will last if refrigerated? I’m not sure how the bacon affects the longevity compared with the jarred brand.”

Manager: “It should last [amount of time].”

Me: “And that’s accounting for the fresh bacon in there, correct?”

Manager: *glares at me and turns to the customer* “It will last [amount of time].”

Customer: “Okay, thank you.” *goes to register*

Manager: *to me* “Don’t ever contradict me!”

Me: “I’m very sorry. I was just trying to get a sense of how having bacon in the sauerkraut affects how long it will last.”

Manager: “I DON’T CARE IF JESUS IS IN THE SAUERKRAUT! DON’T DOUBT ME!” *stalks  off*