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Reaching A New Tea Total

, , , , | Right | November 1, 2019

(I work in a tearoom in York. We sell coffee, cakes, light lunches, and that sort of thing. Late one Sunday, a woman comes in and, after going through the menu, asks:)

Customer: “Can I just have a teacake with cheese?”

(The request is a bit weird, but it’s what the lady wants, so I’ll try and be accommodating.)

Me: “Do you want the cheese to be, like, a little melted on top?”

Customer: “No, just cold, as it comes.”

Me: “Butter?”

Customer: “No, just the cheese.”

Me: “Untoasted… with cheese?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(So, she wants an untoasted toasted teacake, with cheese. Sure, some people are funny, but we can do that. I take the order up to the kitchen, explaining that yes, it is definitely what she wants. A short while later, I bring her an untoasted toasted teacake with cheese. It’s the saddest, most depressing thing I’ve seen. I set it down in front of her and she says, in a voice of aggravated bewilderment:)

Customer: “What. Is. This?”

Me: “Teacake with cheese.”

Customer: “I wanted just a teacake with cheese.”

(My cool is evaporating. I fix my face with the rictus grin all waitstaff use when the customer is, quite obviously, wrong.)

Customer: “Why is this so hard for you? I just want a teacake; this isn’t a teacake. Who would eat this?”

Me: *calmly* “Madam, would you like to speak to the manager?”

Customer: “No, just bring me a teacake, a normal teacake, with cheese.”

Me: “Madam, these are the only teacakes we have.”

Customer: *indignantly* “No, they aren’t!” *other people are starting to stare* “You have teacakes in the window; bring me one of those.”

(Now, I know we don’t have teacakes in the window display. We’ve got cakes, cream buns, and… then it occurs to me what she is pointing at.)

Me: “A bread roll? You want a plain bread roll with cheese?”

Customer:Yes! Finally. Why would this place hire such a moron?”

Me: “Of course, madam.”

(I walk over to the glass case, remove a bread roll, take it into the back to have them put some cheese on top, and walk back out and give the woman her “Teacake With Cheese.”)

Me: “Here you go, madam. I hope this will be to your liking.”

Customer:Finally! I really don’t see why it was so difficult to get a simple teacake with cheese!”

Me: *walks to the back to slam my head into the wall several times*

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