A Tender Relationship

(My fiancée and I have started courting long distance. She makes the trip to come see me while I am living 1,000 miles away from her home. Fearful that I might be some kind of axe-wielding psychopath, she is instructed to call home every day. She calls home and gets her brother.)

Fiancée: “I’m okay. He’s as great as he was when we met online.”

Me: *calling out so I can be heard through her phone* “Unfortunately, she’s proving to be axe-proof!”

Fiancée: *laughing* “I’m gonna kill him. He says I’m ‘axe-proof.’ Wait, what? Oh, nice!”

Me: “What? What happened?”

Fiancée: “My brother says you need to soak me in warm water for about an hour to soften me up.”