Rap It Your Way

(I work at a well-known fast food chain. One of my coworkers is, in my opinion, one of the coolest people ever. A couple years ago, a fad started circulating on the internet where a person rapped their order to our chain. We hadn’t been a victim of imitators until one night, when my coworker and I are working together.)

Customer: *finishes his rap*

Coworker: “Now let me get this straight…”

(My coworker starts rapping herself:)

You say you a double cheese
with no leaves,
and no seeds on the bun,
well that’s alright son cause we ain’t got none,
And not one but two for you
You saying you want extra salt on your crispy frizzles,
Well fo sizzle.
A pepper for your brother,
and another,
but ain’t gonna be for my mother,
Now just answer this for me,
for that number 9 how would you like it,
grilled or crispy?

(Stunned, the customer stays completely silent for a few moments before answering.)

Customer: “Um… grilled?”

Coworker: “That would be [total]. Please pull up to the first window!”

Customer: *pulls up* “Here. And keep the change, you F***ing rock!”

(The customer grins and his friends give my coworker a cheer. After they get their food and drive off, I turn to my coworker.)

Me: “You are officially the coolest person on the face of the Earth.”

Coworker: “I’d rather be the coolest person on the face of Mars.”

Me: “You’d be the only person on the face of Mars.”

Coworker: “And that’s why I think YOU’RE cool!”