Queens Of Their Castle

(I’m male, and in the kitchen with my boyfriend while I put away dishes. He comes up behind me and starts to poke at a few pimples on my back.)

Me: “Could you not inspect my back while I’m in the kitchen? It makes me feel like prey or something.”

Boyfriend: “But you are prey. And oh look, one’s red and one’s white. Like our chess board pieces.”

Me: “Oh yeah? What pieces are they?”

Boyfriend: “Queens. Duh.”