Putting The X Into Xmas

(I work at a small town airport where, every year, we have a small talent contest. Although I do usually work at the flights desk, I am on talent duty, announcing all contestants. The prize for winning the contest is a flight to a destination of your choice within Australia.)

Me: “Thank you to Waldo the Wizard for showing us his amazing magic tricks. Now, for our last act, we have The Anonymous Singer!”

(Claps of applause.)

Anonymous Singer: *pompous* “Thank you very much. I will be singing my own person version of Jingle Bells.”

(The anonymous singer proceeds to sing a very crude and racist version of ‘Jingle Bells’, leaving the audience and I in stunned silence.)

Anonymous Singer: “Well? I demand my prize!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I am disqualifying you for the use crude language.”

Anonymous Singer: “I demand a flight to New York to show off my talent!”

Me: “I cannot allow you to be in this airport. I must ask you to leave.”

(He begins to sing the song again when an audience member stops him.)

Audience Member: “Right, you’re coming with me!”

(The audience member is about 6 foot, and looks like a body builder. He literally picks up the anonymous singer and carries her away.)

Anonymous Singer: *screaming* “I’m never coming back! You will never hear my talented voice ever again!”

Me: “Thank God for that!”