Putting The Squeeze On Stupid

(I am talking to some of my coworkers about how I wanted to get a pet snake. I have always loved snakes, and have been considering getting one for awhile.)

Me: “I think I want to get a ball python, because they don’t get very big, but I would love a boa!”

Coworker: “Why the h*** do you want a snake?”

Me: “Uh, cause I like them.”

Coworker: “Wouldn’t you rather have a ferret, or a hamster?”

Me: “You’re acting like I have no choice, like it’s a snake or nothing.”

Coworker: “Well, I hope that when you get that snake, it bites you and injects you with poison!”

(Most of my coworkers went silent at that point. They all know I have a bit of a temper. But, instead, I start to laugh.)

Me: “Seriously? Do you have any idea what you are talking about? First of all, it’s not poison, it is venom. Secondly, pythons and boas don’t have venom. They are constrictors, hence the name Boa Constrictor. If you are going to be a jerk, at least sound intelligent when you do it!”

(My coworker wouldn’t talk to me for almost a week after that. Now, 6 months and a new job later, I’ve got my first baby ball python!)