Putting The Pay Into Paper

(I work as a clerk at a small-town newspaper. Two mornings a week, I fill in at the circulation desk, taking calls from people who have questions about or problems with their paper delivery.)

Customer: “My paper has stopped being delivered!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m seeing on your account that your paper has expired.”

Customer: “I didn’t get a bill.”

Me: “Your account says that we mailed you one on [date]. I’m sorry if you didn’t receive it.”

(The customer makes a big deal about not getting any bill, how was she supposed to know that she had to pay, etc. I apologize a few more times for her not receiving a bill, but there’s nothing I can do about that.)

Me: *trying to get a word in edgewise* “I can take a payment over the phone with debit or credit card if you’d like to start receiving your paper again tomorrow.”

Customer: “No, no, I always pay cash! Everything always by cash!”

Me: “Okay, well, you’ll have to come in to the office, then.”

Customer: “You mean the only way I can get the paper is if I pay for it?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, that’s the way it works.”

Customer: “That’s some s***!” *hangs up*