Putting Holes In Your Future Piercing Plans

When I was about six, I decided I wanted to get my ears pierced. My mom was enthused about the idea and took me to the mall to get it done at one of those little jewelry shops. (Yes, yes, I know, that’s a terrible place to have it done, but it was the 1990s, and that fact wasn’t as well known, and it’s not the point of this story).

I was nervous about it, but I was excited, too. My mom was honest with me and told me it would hurt a little bit but not for long, and she was sure I could be a big brave girl.

When we got there, there was another mother there with her daughter, who was slightly younger than me. The little girl was less sold on the idea of getting pierced, but she was also very tempted by the pretty jewelry she would get to wear if she did, and she was having a hard time deciding one way or the other. My mom, clearly bursting with motherly pride, offered to let the little girl watch me get mine done to see that it wasn’t that bad.

Now with an audience, I was extra determined to be a big girl. I sat down in the chair, the piercer got the ladybug earrings I’d selected ready, and in a few seconds, I had them newly attached to my earlobes.

To be honest, it really didn’t hurt that badly. I even said so after the first one, all smiles, and barely flinched for the second. But about thirty seconds later, as my mom was talking to the other girl’s mom and the little girl was starting to pick out her own set of earrings…

Me: “Mommy? I feel kinda funny…”

And that was how we learned that I have a vasovagal response exacerbated by orthostatic hypotension. Or, to put it more succinctly, I faint a lot and with very little provocation. They had to lay me down on the floor and put me in the recovery position until my blood pressure stabilized while the other little girl looked on in horror. She did not get her ears pierced that day, and my mom apologized to the other mother profusely.

And now, more than twenty-five years later, I am very familiar with the recovery position, and I can’t have any of the piercings I want!