Putting Her House In Order

(I often got calls from telemarketers at all hours. This was one of my favorite exchanges.)

Telemarketer: “Hi! We’re conducting a survey today. Can I please speak to the male head of household?”

Me: “I’m sorry. It’s just me here”

Telemarketer: “And when will the male head of household be home?”

Me: “There isn’t one. It’s just me here.”

Telemarketer: “And you’re the head of household?”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s 2011. I am the head of my own household. I rented this house on my own, I pay my own bills, and it sounds crazy but I do all the purchasing for anything I need in the house. I also, ya know, have a job.”

Telemarketer: “Well, you don’t have to be so rude about it. I just want to speak to the male head of household!”

Me: “AGAIN, I am the head of my own household so unless you want to speak to me, we’re done here.”

Telemarketer: “Oh, you’re unmarried and alone?”

Me: “Okay, good bye.”