Put His Football In His Mouth

(I am seven, watching a soccer game with my family. I don’t play soccer, so I know nothing of it except there are two goals that players are trying to kick a ball into.)

Other Spectators: *shouting suggestions to the players*

Me: *joining in* “Kick him! Push him! Shove him!”

Other Spectators: *laugh*

Me: “Mom, why are they laughing at me?”

Mom: “Honey, those things that you suggested are illegal in soccer.”

Me: “Oh! Well, that’s dumb.”