PURGE THE SYSTEM

Ah, “Microsoft Tech Support” scams. For those unaware, these scams consist of a scammer calling you claiming to be part of Microsoft. Often enough, they say that “you have a virus on your computer” and offer to remove it by remoting into your computer and uploading all sorts of nastiness.

As any ACTUAL computer technician will tell you, Microsoft will NEVER call you first. However, today is my lucky day: they called me!

Scammer: *In a thick accent* “Hello, this is Microsoft tech support calling. You have a virus on your computer.”

Me: “Oh, deary me, no! You sure?”

Scammer: “Yes, sir. Here is what you need to do: please start your computer.”

Me: “No, wait, hold on. This might take a bit, okay?”

Scammer: “Yes, sir, that is okay.”

Five minutes later…

Me: “All right, done”

Scammer: “Sir? Is your computer on?”

Me: “Hm? Nah. You said there was a virus, so I just formatted my storage. Vwoop, everything erased with a click of a button. Then I reloaded a past image that I had on an isolated medium. Y’know, so it’s guaranteed clean. I just finished installing the Windows up. But hey, thanks for the heads-up that I had a virus. Odd that my anti-virus didn’t pick it up, but ah, well.”

Scammer: “Sir, did the virus delete your computer?”

Me: “Nah, I did. Kind of handy that I have about three different Microsoft certifications, no?”

Scammer: “Why did you do that?”

Me: “Eh, just felt like it. Nice and clean fresh start— Wow, you hung up? How rude…”

And yes, I did completely format my computer. There was nothing on there I couldn’t get back, and it’s nice to have a fresh start!