Purell-y Out Of His Mind

Customer: “Mmm, it smells great in here! I sure do love the coffee here at [Coffee Shop]!”

Me: “Well, I’m glad! Would you like a coffee, then?”

Customer: “So tell me, how do you brew your coffee here? Is this your coffee making machine?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it is.”

Customer: “Tell me, young woman, how does this machine work? How do you clean it?”

Me: “Well, we put coffee in these baskets, and it brews into these pots. We clean them with–”

Customer: “Because, see, I have a fantastic business idea for you! It will be a great investment opportunity, a revolutionary way to brew coffee! I will share stock with you, if you help me!”

Me: “Sir, if you have a suggestion, your best bet would be to submit it to [Company Website]. I don’t control what equipment we use or how we brew coffee. Can I get you a drink?”

Customer: “Because, see, I love coffee! But my clothes are never clean! And you know that sanitizer stuff… what’s it called… Purell?”

Me: “Uhh… I guess.”

Customer: “Right! So, see… what you need to do is put the Purell in the coffee and then brew it. Then, when I drink the coffee, it will be sanitized, and when the coffee seeps out my pores, it will clean my clothes while I am wearing them! It is revolutionary!”

Me: “Sir, again, I don’t control operations here, so you need to submit this idea to our corporate office. I can’t help you.”

Customer: “It will save so much time! I have a whole system worked out. I call it ‘Pizazz.’ Would you like to be a shareholder with me? We will make so much money!”

Me: “No, thank you.”

Customer: “PIZAZZ! Don’t you get it? Pores. Clothes. Cleaning! Would anybody else that works here like to buy stock?”

Me: “Sir, I doubt it.”

Customer: “Okay, thank you so very much for your time. It will be a revolution! You are beautiful!” *wanders out the door, still rambling about his big idea*

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