Flightless Birds And Bees

(I have just got a new boyfriend, and we are both 23 years old. We’re shopping at a store when we see someone run into a display, knock it on the floor, and run away. We decide to help by picking things up.)

Boyfriend: “Huh? Do you know what these are?” *shows me condoms*

Me: *a little tense* “Uh… just put them back.”

Boyfriend: “Okay.”

(Later we go outside to the street.)

Me: “Alright, listen. I do not appreciate you teasing me about condoms. I’m not that type of person, and we’ve only been dating for two weeks.”

Boyfriend: “Why would I tease you? I was just asking what it is because I don’t know.”

Me: “…seriously?”

Boyfriend: “What’s the matter?”

Me: “You… really do not know what condoms are?”

Boyfriend: “I don’t know everything. Why are you hounding me on asking a simple question?”

Me: “Well, I’m surprised. But if you don’t know, then let’s forget this. Go look up what a condom is on the internet or something.”

(It is later in the day, and we’re at our respective homes.)

Boyfriend: “Now that was pretty gross.”

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: “What you told me to look up. I had no clue how people have babies before today!”

Me: “…wait, you didn’t even know that?”

Boyfriend: “Everyone told me storks brought babies.”