Punch It In Before I Punch You

(I’m a regular customer waiting in line at a fast food place known for its poutine. The customer ahead of me is a young man who appears to be of South Asian descent, but has no accent and is clearly a student at a nearby university.)

Employee #1: *speaking very slowly* “How… can… we… help you?”

Customer: *slightly bemused* “Um, I’ll have [menu item containing bacon], please.”

Employee #1: *blinks* Oh, are you sure?

Customer: *pauses*“Yes?”

([Employee #2] comes over and tries to take over the transaction at this point, but [Employee #1] waves her off. [Employee #2] looks visibly uncomfortable at this point.)

Employee #1: “You know there is bacon in that, right?”

Customer: “Um… Yeah. It’s right there in the name.”

Employee #1: “You’re sure?”

Employee #2: *cringes* “Okay, he’s sure. Ring it through please.”

Employee #1: “I thought you people didn’t eat pork? I’m not serving that to him; I don’t want to be responsible.” *walks into the back*

Customer: “I’ll get that to go, please.”

Employee #2: *now incredibly mortified* “Oh, my God, I am so sorry. For what it’s worth, I don’t think she means to be offensive; she’s just a dip-s***. I can throw in a free drink for not punching her in the f****** mouth, though.”

(Fortunately the customer laughed it off and didn’t seem to be upset. [Employee #1] still works there a year or two later, and without fail, whoever is working with her looks thoroughly miserable.)