Private Practice, Public Broadcast

I call one of the rooms after getting a very detailed noise complaint.

Me: “Hello, sir, this is [My Name] from the front desk. Your neighboring room has called to say that your conversation is too loud and you need to talk more quietly.”

Guest: “We’re talking at a totally normal volume!”

Me: “Yes, sir, but your neighbor has informed me that what you consider a normal volume is loud enough for him to know all about your colonoscopy that you had today, what the doctor found, and numerous other pieces of information that I am sure constitute HIPAA violations, were they not spoken at a volume loud enough to pass through our not exactly thin walls.”

Guest: “…”

Me: “Sir?”

Guest: “…We’ll keep it down.” *Click.*