Pretty Woman: A Christmas Special

(I’m shopping for my father for Christmas, but he is incredibly picky. I decide to get him a gift card from a high end men’s clothing store. I stop by on my way home from my job at a kennel. I’ll admit that I’m wearing rain boots, muddy jeans, and a very doggy-smelling hoodie, so I look very out of place.)

Salesperson #1: “Oh! Ma’am! You’re tracking mud in!”

Me: “I don’t see any. I think the rain washed it off my boots. If I did, I’m so sorry!”

Salesperson #1: “Miss, I cannot let you stay here. You can have a cup of coffee, but I can’t let you stay.”

Me: “What?”

Salesperson #1: “Why don’t you go home for the holidays? Do you have a home?”

Me: “Yes, of course I do!”

Salesperson #1: “Right. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. I’m sure you can’t afford anything here anyway.”

Me: “Whoa! Wait! First of all, I’m not shopping for myself! Second, who cares if I can or can’t afford anything! I’m here to see if you sell gift cards!”

Salesperson #1: “Oh… Yes, we do.”

Me: “Third, I know I look grungy, but that shouldn’t matter. I work at a dog kennel to pay for my own housing. I just picked up an extra shift so I could buy my dad a Christmas gift. Are you going to sell me a f****** gift card or not?”

Salesperson #1: *goes pale* “Oh… I… Yes, ma’am. Will that be a $20 card?”

Me: “Do you get a commission?”

Salesperson: “Yes.”

Me: “I’d like another salesperson.”

Salesperson: “Okay.”

(At hearing this, another salesperson comes over.)

Salesperson #2: “Yes, miss? How much would you like on your gift card?”

Me: “$250.”

Salesperson #1: “She can’t afford that!”

Salesperson #2: “[Salesperson #1], go to the back. Miss, I’m terribly sorry for my coworker’s behavior.”

Me: “I understand, I guess. I look kind of gross right now. I just got off a 10-hour shift of manual labor.”

Salesperson #2: “I understand completely. I apologize again for my coworker.”

Me: “No worries. Merry Christmas!”